In Lil’ Wayne’s newest single Lollipop he states, “I get on top, and drop it like it’s hot, but when I’m on the bottom she’s Hillary Rodham.”

Personally I’d pinned Mr. Weezy as an Obama man, but this got me wondering: How many men will vote for Hil just because she’s a woman in power and they’re attracted to it?

I know all about voting based on sex appeal, I’m a Ron Paul girl, but I’d rather vote for Obama simply because (Ty Schwoeffermann, cover your eyes) I’d like to fuck him.

Perhaps this explains why I am also such a fan of Colin Powell?

The Eugene Weekly finally has their new dating and personals site, Wink + Kink, online, providing the Commentator with a new, limitless source of comedy. The only question is how many I SAW YOU’s can you handle?  For example:

Hey, um, I saw you at the VRC in the food court reading manga, “Got Rice?” Tee shirt, glasses, very cute. Saw you later watching “Smart People” alone, thought you had an adorable giggle. Me: kind of loud girl sitting in the row in front of you, red Chuck Taylors, MC Chris shirt and Foster’s sweatshirt, glasses, ponytail. I get a discount on manga at work, interested??

Or, on a slightly more disturbing note:

You activate my motion sensing flood lights practically every night when you walk by. Why don’t you stop and say hi? Is it my big telescope that distracts you?

The site currently has a free promotion going, and being the curious journalist that I am (and single), I have started exploring this strange, new meat market. The “Wink” section of the site is set up more like a conventional dating site, while “Kink” is more, well, kinky. I haven’t delved into the horrors of “Kink” yet, but the public has a right to know, dammit! Expect a full report soon.

The statewide voting pamphlets have been mailed out recently. Inside, a letter from Secretary of State Bill Bradbury urges citizens to call a certain 800 number if they need voting assistance. However, rather than electoral information, callers are directed to a phone sex line. An automated voice promises callers “an exciting new way to go live one on one with hot . . . girls.” Bill Bradbury, you ‘ol polecat!

Hat tip to my mom for the story.

According to an article in Macworld, a newly released study conducted by Nemertes Research Group indicates that “a flood of new video and other Web content could overwhelm the Internet by 2010.”

This internet slow-down is something the Internet Innovation Alliance (IIA) has been predicting for several years. Bruce Mehlman, co-chairman of the IIA agrees, saying the study gives “good, hard, unique data” on the IIA concerns about network capacity. He went on to state, “Internet users will create 161 exabytes of new data this year.”

What does this mean to you, loyal OC readers? Not only will it become painstakingly difficult to read the OC blog, but it’ll also seriously impede your ability to view porn online.

Are videos of Miley Cyrus in concert really worth their bandwidth if it means missing a busty blonde in action?

“Video has unleashed an explosion of Internet content,” Mehlman said.

I guess the question is, what type of “explosion” would you like to unleash in 2010?

Alright, I know this is redundant since most of the comment threads on this blog veer wildly off topic anyways, but seeing as how it’s spring break and and the staff has scattered to the four winds, here’s your open thread. Go for it.

P.S. And as always, drunken belligerence, vitriol and Big Lebowski references are encouraged.

P.P.S. C’mon, all the cool blogs are doing it.

The news has been all over the recent Federal study on STD prevalence in teens. The study of 838 teens showed that 26% were infected with some form of Sexually Transmitted Disease.

Some critics have pointed to abstinence-only education as the culprit, claiming that by only teaching them abstinence, they did not have adequate education on STDs or proper protection. I like to think that these critics are just liberals that are capitalizing on this scapegoat of STDs to try to proliferate promiscuous, irresponsible sex amongst our nation’s youth. The social conservatives are the only thing keeping our children moral and clean, by keeping them in the dark about everything related to their genitalia.

I also like to believe that if I close my eyes, anything I disagree with will stop and disappear.

Remember the mayor from Eastern Oregon who got in trouble for her saucy MySpace pics? Well, the citizens of the fair town of Arlington have recalled her by a narrow vote of 142-139. Ex-mayor Kontur-Gronquist says she has no plans to seek further office, but is she saddened by this whole hullabaloo? Hell no.

“I will be involved in the city and issues, of course,” she said. “You betcha. That is what I wanted to do in the first place. I regret nothing.”

That’s the spirit! Hey,  Eugene’s got a slot for mayor open this year (wink wink, nudge nudge).

P.S. Headline reference here.

“Was it especially hairy? Good Lord, yes it was.” -Gary Shteyngart, Absurdistan

Called “Britain’s most dreaded literary prize,” the Literary Reviews annual “Bad Sex Award” has been handed out for the last 15 years with the aim “to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and to discourage it.” Winners receive a bottle of champagne and a semi-abstract statue representing sex in the 1950s if they show up to collect, which surprisingly most do.

This year’s award was won posthumously by the late Norman Mailer, for a breathtakingly revolting passage in which a characters sex organ is described as being “soft as a coil of excrement.” The entire selection of shortlisted passages is here, and a few of my personal faves can be found right here if you (more…)

And I thought the Oregon Commentator was all alone in caring about mustaches and manly things this month. I was so wrong. Movember is a charity event held during the month formally known as November to raise as much money and awareness about male health issues as possible. Men begin the month by submitting a clean-shaven photo and then have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their Mo (Australian slang for mustache I am told). Men that get involved are referred to as Mo Bros and the women that help them are called Mo Sistas. Well if anyone wants to get involved I will be his supporting Mo Sista, ‘aight. I encourage you to check the whole Movember thing out. Oh yeah and Playboy is a big sponsor. Just in case you were wondering.

Oh yeah it is not only considered a month but also a place, the Republic of Movember. Kinda like Jefferson…

Well, school is officially back in session here at the U of O. Days are shortening, skirts are lengthening and new professors are cruising Knight Library looking to have sex in the bathroom. Wait, what?

P.S. Craigslist is not exactly safe for work.

P.P.S. Sorry for breaking the streak of serious ASUO posts, but c’mon … prof seeking anonymous sex in a public bathroom.

Yes, we know that all the jumps go to the wrong page, but it was an executive decision to leave it as is. Enjoy.

 UPDATE: The new and improved summer issue is posted. You will be able to tell it’s the new one from the great new table of contents - now it zig-zags! Also, we fixed the jumps, most spelling errors, although we left a few in honor of the Bad Spelling artical in Best of, and after much thought even fixed Tim’s name.  Cheers.

Everyone has heard it at some point. Usually it will be at a lackluster party, in which flagging conversation is suddenly renewed by the topic of everyone’s favorite incitement to promiscuity: Bonobos. You know, as in “oh my God, wouldn’t it be like, sooo great if we could all just solve our problems by fucking instead of fighting? Bonobos kick ass!” But the Bonobo is not just the spirit animal of the conversationally ungifted lech, apparently it has become the mascot of the dreaded “SP” (Secular Progressive) and as such, it must be attacked by those who seek to protect us from the spectre of “G-G rubbing” as a tool of social harmony.

Enter Dinesh D’souza, the guy who blamed 9-11 on liberals, who “debunks the myth of the promiscuous Bonobo”, by way of attacking the crazy lefties who can’t get enough of the horny little buggers.  Although lines like “I’m surprised the Democratic Party hasn’t changed its symbol from the donkey to the bonobo” are good for teh lulz, D’Souza is clearly trying to score culture warrior points by “proving” that Bonobo sexuality is a perversion caused by captivity. And why wouldn’t he, considering that it makes liberals look like bad scientists as well as huge pervs?

Of course there’s no question that D’Souza is willing to blur a few lines in order to make a partisan point, because that’s what he does for a living. What is a little more surprising is that the article he cites is more than a little, erm, lacking in credibility. Frans DeWall, whom D’Souza attacks, responds at Skeptic (NSFW!) with a long, but worth-reading piece giving a nuanced summary of Bonobo behavior, that impresses with it’s balance, proving once again that science with an agenda is no science at all.

Today’s Oregonian has a lengthy story about kids being kids, and the power-mad prosecutors who want to throw them in jail: Two young boys at McMinnville’s Patton Middle School were sent to jail for five days for supposedly sexually harassing their classmates, by running through the halls swatting girls on the bottom. But that’s not all. They now face the prospect of 10 years in jail and a lifetime sentence on Oregon’s sex crime registry.

I don’t think it will go that far — thanks in part to the Oregonian’s coverage of this travesty, which underscores the irksome level of stupidity
surrounding this case — but you never know. Still, I have a strong suspicion that the more explaining officials have to do, the more likely these power-hungry morons will back off.

I mean, how can you justify something this ridiculous:

Several girls told Roache and Tillery the boys had swatted their behinds on what they declared to be “slap butt day,” according to the first police report. Some girls told police they did not like it and had asked the boys to stop. But a follow-up report filed four days later by Roache makes the situation seem much foggier.

All told, Roache interviewed 14 students besides Cornelison and Mashburn. Seven confessed to bottom-swatting, including one girl who described it as “a handshake we do.” Two of the alleged victims said they had swatted boys’ buttocks themselves.

“She will touch Cory after he touches her first,” Roache wrote in the report.

This second round of interviews took place while the boys were in detention. A day later, the juvenile court held a hearing on whether the boys should be released. The courtroom was packed with Patton students and families of both boys — many were crying. The boys were there, too, in shackles and jail outfits.

Are you kidding me? Other kids took part? Then why target these kids? There really isn’t much to say about this, except that this growing trend of treating overly rambunctious children like sex offenders is extremely disturbing. Maybe I’m alone here, but I don’t see what good it does to irreversibly and negatively alter a child’s life over an innocuous and likely non-sexualized butt slap. Everyone involved in this case, on the prosecutorial end, should be severely admonished — I mean Nifong-level admonishment.

[Addendum: It appears as if the father of one of the boys works for the McMinnville News-Register, the newspaper owned by the OC’s Ossie Bladine’s family. Is this correct?]

This story was on Digg.com: A Florida State Representative, Robert Allen R-Merritt Island, was arrested under allegations of sex solicitation. To a guy.

The undercover officer alleges that Rep. Allen was “acting suspicious” and “going in and out of the men’s bathroom”. Thereafter, he says that Allen offered to perform oral sex on him for 20 dollars.

Besides the fact that the news article implicitly emphasizes the fact that the undercover cop was male (for technical reasons regarding oral sex, of course), 20 dollars?! There’s something very, very wrong about this, because last time I checked, politicians weren’t that poor. And last time I checked, blowjobs cost more than 20 dollars. This guy Allen was either framed, or gets a real kick out of blowing men. Or maybe fellatio (giving or receiving) is a hobby of politicians in general.

Little else has been said about the story, but I think whoever got blown by Rep. Allen should just be glad that it wasn’t Hillary Clinton.

Some people are calling the new obelisk a
phallic object. For those that don’t know
what phallic means, the dictionary states,
“An image of the male sex organ, especially
as used as a sign of sexual power.”

I don’t see it.

Thanks to Joe Kadera for the photo.

IM IN UR BLOG POST MAKING ARCHITECTURAL HISTORY/LOL JOKEZ! LOLZ!