Word on the street is that Hillary Clinton is making a “surprise” visit to campus tomorrow. Nobody knows where; nobody knows when. My ultra-reliable sources say she will arrive as mysterious, black-masked avenger, swinging down from the chandelier, drawing her rapier and challenging scurrilous Obama supporters to defend their honor with steel. Or not. I’ll update this as more news comes in.

Nonie Darwish, an Egyptian-born American writer and speaker, will be on campus Thursday, May 22, 7-9 p.m. in Lillis 282. Darwish is the author of Now They Call Me Infidel: Why I Renounced Jihad for America, Israel and the War on Terror. She has a rather atypical perspective on the issue, so regardless of one’s stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict, this should an interesting lecture to say the least.

The event will be hosted by the College Republicans. For more information, check the Facebook event.

Former President Clinton will give a speech at the UO EMU Ballroom tomorrow night at 8:30. Be sure to thank him for helping torpedo his wife’s campaign and his party’s chances in the general election! Good work, big fella. Just remember to stay away from those girls at the soft serve in Carson.

And if you have $1,000 to $33,100 to spend on a man who voted for campaign finance reform, why not attend the John McCain “Portland Finance Reception” tomorrow night at the beautiful airport Sheraton? Because nothing defines a straight talkin’ man of the people better than holding a closed door $33,100/head dinner at a crappy airport hotel.

Update: More on McCain’s speech here.

You can send Hillary Clinton an e-card wishing her a happy Mother’s Day. But what to say? There’s so many possibilities. I was thinking maybe: “Congratulations on fulfilling one of the seven phenomena of life. Only six more to go to prove you’re not a satan-robot!”

Hat tip to the always classy gals at Wonkette.

Okay, so I’m not a big fan of Barack Obama (and his dick of a handler not letting the Commentator through the press line last night didn’t help score any points, but I’ll let CJ post about that…). I don’t think he’s the best choice for President, and I don’t like the messianic everything-to-everyone posturing of his campaign. As far as I’m concerned, there are tons of perfectly legitimate criticisms of the man. Nevertheless, I’m beyond tired of all the drummed-up “controversies” that keep cropping up every couple of weeks or so on right-leaning blogs. Until now, the most idiotic of these was the Case of the Missing Flag Lapel Pin. Heinous!

Alas, after dragging my hung-over self out of bed this morning to check my usual blogs, I see that not one but two silly new stories are making the rounds. First off, evidently Senator Obama mis-spoke during a speech up in Beaverton and said that he’d visited 57 states.The horror! How can he not even know how many states there are in the Union he wants to lead?! How such a dolt could ever be considered qualified for the Presidency is impossible to imagine.

Second, scholars of history are savaging the benighted Senator for suggesting that he would consider meeting with unfriendly heads of state, in the tradition of other American Presidents like FDR, Truman, and Kennedy. Evidently FDR and Truman meeting with Stalin doesn’t count, despite the fact that the United States had been staunchly anti-Soviet from the very start, because we were both fighting Nazi Germany at the time. Citing Kennedy’s meetings with Khruschev is also apparently off-limits because um… Kennedy had more experience in politics than Obama does… or something. And never mind Nixon going to China or Reagan meeting with Gorbachev. None of that matters, you see,  because Senator Obama clearly needs a history lesson, otherwise he’ll end up just like poor old Neville Chamberlain.

Jack Kelly ends his post on Real Clear Politics thusly: “The lack of historical knowledge among journalists is merely appalling.” I couldn’t agree more, chum.

Apparently, Obama is returning to campus to speak tomorrow in the Memorial Quad outside Knight Library. Doors (?) open at 5:45 p.m. The only source I have for this is a Facebook Event, but it appears to be hosted by Students for Obama. I’ll keep you updated. If it’s true, you’ll be able to watch the whole thing (sans sound) through the old Obelisk Cam.

UPDATE: Yep, it’s confirmed on Obama’s website.

According to the Huffington Post’s nifty little campaign donation tracker, people who identified themselves as employees of the University of Oregon have so far donated $24,962 to political campaigns in the ‘08 election cycle. It doesn’t look like the first quarter reports have been added yet, so the real number is most likely much higher by now. How does it break down?

Of that $24,962, only two contributions went to Republicans, totalling $956. Actually, I should say Republican because both of those went to … Ron Paul. The majority of the Dem donations went to Obama with only one donation to Hillary Clinton. No contributions were listed from Frohnmayer, although his pals Melinda Grier and John Moseley both donated to Obama.

Tony Marino, a Tigard Republican running for the Oregon House, issued a letter to several newspapers that extensively describes his myriad failures in life, including bankruptcy, divorces, IRS trouble and a fake degree. Marino is spinning it as a “honesty is the best policy” move, but you can bet the Democrats were going to dig all this up anyways.

According to the Oregonian, Marino earned a doctorate in Marketing in under three months from Ashwood University, which gives its students credit for their “life experiences.” Later he discovered the shocking truth that the “university” wasn’t accredited in the state of Oregon.

Marino did leave out a few other tidbits, though. From the Oregonian:

A background check unearthed other financial run-ins, including a $12,300 civil judgment from 2001 that he contests and that he says he didn’t know about until Thursday. He’s also making monthly installments on a $4,900 judgment from 2002, filed by Ford Motor Co.

Whoops! It will be interesting to see if Marino’s “only human” strategy works. I for one would like to see more detailed confessions from politicians. Imagine the letters coming out of DC: “This one time Arlen Specter got drunk and passed out on my couch, so I drew penises all over his face with a Sharpie. He woke up the next morning and rushed straight to the Senate Judiciary Committee meeting. Everyone laughed at him, and I felt really guilty.”

Yesterday OC Ed-in-Chief Ossie and I drove up to Kell’s Irish Pub in Portland to hear Gene Healy of the Cato Institute talk about his new book, The Cult of the Presidency: America’s Dangerous Devotion to Executive Power. The good folks at the America’s Future Foundation hosted the event.

Healy is a smart, funny guy, and we enjoyed throwing back some Guinness with him. I haven’t read the book yet, but everything he said last night was spot-on. In short, voters and politicians on both sides of the aisle need to get rid of the idea that the President is the daddy or mommy who will fix all their problems. I did have to disagree with Healy when he started bagging on Teddy Roosevelt, though. Ugly views on manifest destiny aside, Roosevelt was pretty awesome; he gave a 90-minute speech after being shot in the chest. C’mon, Hillary Clinton isn’t even that hardcore in her fantasies.

The Washington Post outlines some of the details of John McCain’s health plan. If I’m understanding it right, the key points are:

1.  Unlike the Democratic plan, his plan is market-based
2. It dissociates health insurance from the workplace, which McCain argues will force insurance companies to “no longer take your business for granted, offering narrow plans with escalating costs.”
3. It provides tax credits to individuals, rather than employers, for health insurance.
4. It will create a “GAP” (guaranteed access program) in the short-term to provide for “high-risk” patients until the “market matures”.
5. Lowering costs through a variety of methods such as tort reform and encouraging the prescription of generic drugs.
6. McCain also advocates the “health savings account” idea.
7. Interestingly, he also says “[g]overnment should promote greater access through walk-in clinics in retail outlets” to facilitate easier access to basic, preventative care.

As the Post notes, a lot of the McCain plan echoes President Bush’s spectacularly failed attempt at health care reform. Indeed, McCain is probably going to have a relatively difficult time selling his health care plan, whatever its merits, since he’s going to have to compete against either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, both of which are promising “free” health care for the masses. For McCain to succeed on this issue against his opponent (especially if he runs against Barack Obama), he’s going to have to find a simple, sensible way to explain to people how setting them adrift and trusting market forces is going to result in better health care at a lower cost than anything a massive, tax-funded government bureaucracy  can hope to provide.

Unfortunately for McCain, explaining economics to people is a lot more difficult than saying “the government will take care of you”.

So, Obama thinks poor folks are bitter, but Hillary knows they’re mostly just looking for someone to buy them a shot of mid-shelf booze. That’s why she sprang for a shot of Crown Royal at a media event relaxing evening with close friends at her neighborhood bar (in Indiana). But wait, you say, Crown Royal is Canadian whisky… there’s no “e” before the “y” or anything. While the pundits desperately analyze “the shot heard ’round the world” for implications on Clinton’s NAFTA position, we applaud Clinton for simply making booze an issue in this election. And for providing the evil spirit which is currently possessing our copy of Photoshop with some fresh meat. Cheers!

Editor-in-Chief of the Oregon Daily Emerald Laura Powers is filing a grievance against Con Court for their recent ruling declaring that ASUO candidates can’t advertise with campus media. Powers is appealing the ruling on grounds of factual accuracy, since she can’t argue the Court’s actual reasoning. Powers, along with us, believes the ruling is complete bullshit:

“We’re not a university facility, we don’t reject ads based on politics and everybody has equal access,” Powers said. “Bitch, please!”

Con Court’s ruling seems to imply (although they won’t come out and say it) that since some people [read: Rock the Yellow] couldn’t afford advertisements it wasn’t equal access. I agree with Powers. Bitch, please!

P.S. How great is it that a grievance is being filed against Con Court to be decided by Con Court?

An initiative sponsored by Republican Kevin Mannix that would set three-year mandatory minimum prison sentences for first-time drug dealers, burglars and identity thieves will appear on the November ballot in Oregon.

According to the Oregonian, the measure “would increase Oregon’s prison population by an estimated 4,000 to 6,000 inmates and cost $128 million to $200 million a year.” Righto, sounds peachy keen! Sure, we already have a strained budget and strained prison system, but dammit, someone’s got to teach those dopers a lesson.

Of course, if voters disagree with the initiative, they will have another, more sympathetic way to waste vast amounts of money. A second initiative sponsored by the Democrat-controlled legislature, which targets repeat offenders, would only incarcerate a projected 1,600 people and cost roughly $50 million a year. It would also include $20 million a year for drug treatment programs and local jails.

If both initiatives are passed by voters, the one with the most votes will become law. (THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!)

I was just reading the Emerald’s story about the Oregon Action Team’s victory, and I noticed this interesting little tidbit:

 ”It’s easy to buy an election,” Sen. Nate Gulley, a Rock the Yellow supporter said after hearing the results.

The Commentator wonders if Senator Gulley can provide any evidence whatsoever to back up his statement, or whether he’s just speaking from personal experience.

For his part, Diego Hernandez was quoted as saying that he hadn’t “even processed it yet,” which probably stems from the fact that he’s spent a significant portion of his processing power lately fulminating against white people in the comments section of the Daily Emerald, producing such gleaming pearls as:

Diversity, in the mind of the average white, heteronormative male is obviously or should be non-European…White people suddenly want to be included in the term diversity. This is why Affirmative Action is becoming weaker and scholarships that are meant for people of color are going to white people because diverse means something different.

and leading off with:

Wake is an idiot, he needs to wake up and stop being a racist, uneducated baboso. 

I am guessing your not educated about “race,” especially because Wake’s comment is obviously ignorant and racist, and because you used the term “Hispanic.” I don’t get my definitions from the encyclopedia, especially socially related terms. Race and Racism is so complex that you can major on it and get a Doctorate from the topic. Suddenly, I have to stay silent when I speak about race, because if I talk about it then it might loose it’s meaning.  [emphasis added]

After someone in the comments section (whom Hernandez claimed was “Sean Jin himself or someone associated with him or the neoliberal, neoconservative, ignorant Oregon Commentator” [Gosh, it’s so nice that you’re always thinking of us!!]) pointed out that his sentiments were coming dangerously close to breaching the University’s definition of “discriminatory harassment,” Hernandez suddenly made an about-face, claiming:

But anyway if you read what Wake said, it is obviously not racist, but I thought I should just do it to see what kind of dialogue would come of it. Very interesting stuff…   [emphasis added]

Between churning out such confused vitriol and denouncing Sean Jin’s “hate speech” about the Multicultural Center, it’s no wonder that Mr. Hernandez has been suffering a dearth of CPU power needed for processing the Oregon Action Team’s victory, leaving it to Nate Gulley to instead insinuate election fraud and further drag what remains of the ASUO’s reputation through the mud.

Congrats to the Oregon Action Team for shaking these tossers up a bit.

Paul Suderman documents the tragic collateral damage in the war on global warming over at Reason. Suderman eloquently recounts the plethora of good reasons to oppose the current generation of biofuels which burn through foodstocks with no benefit to carbon emissions. Moreover, he correctly identifies rising beer prices as the point at which we must all stand astride history and shout “STOP!”