Some of them, anyway. Volokh links to this as “Life Imitates The Onion.” I might call it “Life Imitates Toni Morrison” but whatever it is, it’s dumb:

A Portland lawyer says suffering by African Americans at the hands of slave owners is to blame in the death of a 2-year-old Beaverton boy.

Randall Vogt is offering the untested theory, called post traumatic slave syndrome, in his defense of Isaac Cortez Bynum, who is charged with murder by abuse in the June 30 death of his son, Ryshawn Lamar Bynum. Vogt says he will argue — “in a general way” — that masters beat slaves, so Bynum was justified in beating his son.

According to the article, the judge will only accept evidence of such a defense if the “syndrome” can be shown to be “an accepted mental disorder with a valid scientific basis.” Which it isn’t, so there’s no chance of it getting in. Still, that someone even dreamed it up is nauseating. Hilariously nauseating.

KGW is reporting Neal Goldschmidt’s resignation from the State Board of Higer Ed, ostensibly for health reasons. Willamette Week, however, is reporting that his decision had more to do with his sexual indiscresion than his health. Their description is as follows:

BANNER: WEB Exclusive Earlier today, former Gov. Neil Goldschmidt stepped down from the Oregon Board of Higher Education. In addition, Goldschmidt withdrew his involvement in the Oregon Electric Utility Co., a newly formed partnership poised to purchase Portland General Electric. Goldschmidt issued a statement stating that his sudden resignation was related to a heart condition.

WW understands, however, that his decision to step down from the education board and energy company is instead directly related to this newspapers two-month probe into allegations of sexual misconduct involving the former governor. WW plans to publish details of its investigation in next Wednesdays paper.

You heard it here first, folks.

It seems that Paul Allen has apparently squandered away nearly a third of his wealth, mainly through bad investments in unproven technology markets. Now he’s apparently doing the smart thing and diversifying his portfolio, and pursuing a sensible investment strategy. Not that he’s not already wealthy, but anybody has to invest sensibly to maintain wealth, as a finite fortune, however large, will only hold up to consistent losses for so long. He’s also apparently developed new discipline with his investing:

The best prospects got a 30-page report that went to Vulcan’s investment committee. For those that made the cut — just 30 in 2003 — the advisers compile 300-page reports, complete with forensic accounting and background checks on management. Only then could a company get money from Vulcan; just a dozen or so did last year. “We’re just so much more thorough, meticulous, demanding, and focused now than we were just a few years ago,” says Allen.

Hopefully his basketball team can develop something similar, albeit in a different arena.

Controversy strikes the coast, as the towns of Coos Bay and North Bend consider merging. R-G story here.

Coos Bay seems to be very gung-ho about this idea - on the grounds that the border between the two cities was arbitrarily drawn up as an afterthought to the treaty of Utrecht? - but the people of North Bend stand on the “Uncle Henry” principle, explained here by activist Pat Choat Pierce.

It’s very difficult to celebrate the life of a city when there’s no city to celebrate. That would be like continuing to celebrate your uncle Henry’s birthday, long after he’s gone.

Indeed. If I were them, I’d at least hold out for a better name than “Coos Bay-North Bend”. (Would it sweeten the deal if they went with “North Bend-Coos Bay”?) My suggestion: Methapotamia.