This was just posted on UO Matters under the headline “Every now and then”:

8/11/2010: there is a sign that UO is moving towards being a real institution for the public good, with decisions made in the open, on the basis of joint goals and a shared mission. We are still a long way off, but I think the direction is good.

Of what is this a propos? I certainly don’t have the answers. If you do, let us know.

Yesterday was Earth Day, this was celebrated on campus with a strong tabling effort in the EMU memorial quad. The Ol’Dirty decided to cover it with a front page picture of the events. Ironically the paper also includes a sixteen page housing guide, take that Mother Earth! Also yesterdays paper, which was distributed on Earth Day included the Scene section, a eight page insert in itself, which included such “Scene” worthy gems like “Each Picture’s Worth 1,000 hipsters.”

It didn’t seem like it could get any worse until I glanced at today’s Ol’Dirty featuring a front page article on KFC’s infamous Double Down Sandwich. Yes, the sandwich that substitutes fried or grilled chicken for buns is worthy of front page coverage in the ODE. The article even included a quote from  Jay Shaver, a manager at a Springfield KFC, calling sales “off the chain.” The article did not give a full review of the sandwich and chose to discuss the fat content of the sandwich. I am almost sure that the author of the news article did not even eat the Double Down. So here is a an actual review of the Double Down AKA Clogged Artery.

Some KFC executives had to have a meeting about this sandwich.

Last Thursday after a long morning of classes and homework I decided to go out with a friend and grab some lunch. After one quick joke of getting the Double Down we had already decided we were going to indulge in our carnivorous desires and try a bacon sandwich with fried chicken for buns. I ordered a Double Down meal and was soon enjoying the all mighty power of the sandwich. It was fried heaven. The buns were not exactly matched up right but I could have cared less as I took a bite after bite of pure cholesterol. The sandwich was a amazing pure and simple. The Double Down held the kind of beauty  that makes me wish  William Wordsworth was still alive to write a sonnet about it.

But then It was over and the food started fighting back. After consuming the meal I was immediately put into a food coma so strong I could barely get out of the car that drove me to KFC. While devouring the meat sandwich I forgot that I had an intramural soccer game in an hour. After a bitter struggle to get off the couch I got ready to play and headed out to the soccer fields. I felt fine for about 30 seconds into the game, then the Double Down started to gnarl at my insides. I do not think that KFC had in mind that some people would do strenuous physical activity after eating a sandwich with 540 calories.

Ten minutes later I was substituting myself out of the game in an effort to not pass out on the field. I spent the last minutes of the half trying to catch my breath and ease my stomach. By half time I could not take it anymore and lightly jogged to the water fountain for some refreshment . Before I could even get a sip of water the  Double Down was coming up. I projectile vomited the contents of my lunch behind some bushes next to the tennis courts. This caused the two women playing tennis right next to me to move over several courts.

The Double Down  should honestly have a warning from the Surgeons General on the packaging. It is the frenemy of sandwiches. If there is anything I learned from my KFC experience is that peoples should eat this sandwich at their own risk and that I need to chew more when I eat.

In the past two weeks, we’ve seen some pretty horrific things printed in the Emerald. It’s not that we weren’t aware of them–far from it. We were just too busy trying to get our papers finished, what with being students and all.

Of course, what we’re talking about here is the two gems printed on Mar. 2nd and Mar. 8th, respectively. Tyree Harris’ “Western perspective is not culture” was an article that did not have a high enough word count to fully address the issues concerned. Trying to make the plea that “white, western culture” was something that disconnected people of color, Harris inevitably made the mistake of being racist, “Caucasians can go their whole lives being ignorant of minority struggles and live happily ever after.” This was responded to in a letter by UO student David Delmar on Mar.5th:

“What is a “Caucasian perspective?” Is the author truly asserting that by virtue of a shared skin color, the University student born and raised in Oregon shares a common, inherent “perspective” with the University student born and raised in South Chicago? Is this not a racist assertion?”

Indeed, Delmar pointed out the logical fallacy in Harris’ argument–that he was himself grouping the experience of individuals by race. Oops.

Mohamed Jemmali’s guest commentary “Food, water should be free for all” was patently absurd, with Jemmali lending us insight into the world of farming, “With hydroponic technology, we can now grow anything with just water and electricity, and we do!”

Obviously privy to some kind of wizardry unknown to the general populace, Jemmali went on to explain that, “Like air, water, food and electricity can now be free.” The very next day, concerned citizen Nick Stachelrodt sent an e-mail to the Commentator (as did another graduate student) with the fitting subject line “Unicorns, sunshine and rainbows and shit” in response to Jemmali’s commentary.

“Now I’ve only done hundreds of hours of organic farming and I’m not terribly acquainted with hydroponic farming but I’m pretty sure it takes a little more than water and electricity (fuck it plants don’t need nutrients).

Also concerning his “every vegetable and fruit would become equally available everywhere” hypothesis, I’m pretty sure that there are these things called climates and these things called seasons which might require Mohamed to have to consult the great gaia and captain planet in order to fix.

He goes on to explain how water will be free via desalination (which is of course is a completely inexpensive uncomplicated process) and how electricity will be free (because those windmills maintain themselves).

So in short he is absolutely bat shit crazy which is fine in its own right, but the fact the the Emerald actually published this garbage is asinine.”

On Mar. 15th, UO Political Science undergraduate Ben Rudin took an economics-based approach to tearing down Jemmali’s commentary.

“If we force people to produce and serve food for nothing, have we made the cost of food any lower? No, we’ve merely shifted the buyers’ current share of the cost to the suppliers.

…

The very technology Jemmali refers to (desalination and hydroponic technology) was not developed due to generosity; it was developed due to the profit motive.”

Not only was Jemmali’s grasp of the science behind hydroponics at fault, so too was his basic understanding of its role in the free market economy (as a side note, it sounds like Mr. Rudin should turn in a staff application. I’ll be expecting it.)

My advice to the Emerald editorial staff? Say “no” a little more often.

Now that D’Andrea is a student again, can someone please save that place? Tomcat is only one man.

(Also, we scooped the Emerald. Twice.)

A few issues ago I wrote a “fake news story” about the Ol’ Dirty filling their news editor position with an orangutan named Pat. During a conversation with the Emerald’s business manager Kathy Carbone, she complimented me on the story as well as asked me, “It’s funny, but can you just write that? Or is there some kind of rules against writing fake, ridiculous quotes?” I told Kathy that anyone who thinks a chimp getting hired at a school paper is real was not worth my time. We never received any complaints.

Unfortunately, the same can not be said for the Vancouver Voice, ran by former OC editor-in-chief Ossie Bladine. In a section titled “Not Real News” they ran a fake story about a local business considering implementing casino games for children as part of their business model. Just wait, it gets better.

Apparently a local citizen called the Washington State Gambling Commission and the business is now under investigation. Now, I can understand Ossie’s problem of readers’ lazy eyes — I have read links to this very blog (mostly from Tea Party people who hate me) saying that “there’s not even an author to this blog!” when clearly, my name is directly under the title.

What is more confusing, however, is how on Earth anyone could think that a news organization like the Voice would run a straight news story about a children’s gambling establishment with no commentary or editorial substance. Is the generation gap becoming so large that The Onion is becoming a dividing line?

This is not the first time this year the Voice has had such confusion over a clearly labeled and clearly satirical article. In their Jan. 21 issue, the Voice ran a story about The Columbian changing its name to The Fort Vancouver Tribune. Apparently this caused some mental anguish for their readers, and Ossie had to formulate a very obvious, simply-worded note for his slower readers that read, We’d like to state that this was not quite real news–as in, we made it up.” 

In any case Ossie said, “From an outsider’s view, this is pretty funny. But for Big Al’s, a locally owned business that works hard to keep a family friendly image, not so funny.” But Ossie’s wrong, isn’t he? It’s not funny.

It’s absolutely hilarious.

According to a Tomcat article published in the Emerald on Friday, the ASUO Elections board — the same that threatened the Commentator with punishment for Cpt. Peter Freedom Lesiak’s poster – decided against doing so late last Thursday night “unless a student formally files a complaint against him.”

Of course, any student filing a complaint against Lesiak would have to take into consideration that all of the other presidential candidates have had posters on this website as well. Twice. Since Lesiak did not post his flyers under his own volition, filing a complaint against Lesiak would require filing a complaint against all the other candidates as well.

Of course, the real lesson here is that the ASUO Elections Rules have some pretty asinine provisions. Coupled with vague language, the rules that punish candidates for separate entities actions is fucking stupid. Glad to hear the ASUO Elections Board came to their senses.

A new issue of the Oregon Quarterly is out, most notably with an article by Managing Editor Ross West about the Oregon Commentator’s By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator.

There’s some great quotes in there, and overall the article is pretty positive. You can check out the digital issue of the Oregon Quarterly here or pick it up in person at the Duckstore.

I should take this time to remind you that By the Barrel: 25 Years of the Oregon Commentator is still only $10.

(We apologize for the delay for the posters. Proper Facebook clearance was needed.)

Looks like the ASUO Elections season is underway! Here’s some sweet posters!

Apparently there has been “multiple complaints” about our post “supporting” Cpt. Peter Freedom Lesiak. Good thing the ASUO Elections Board doesn’t understand the scope of their organization. Here it goes:

Regarding your recent post promoting Peter Lesiak for ASUO President-

While we as the elections board are glad that your publication wants to be involved with the ASUO Elections by supporting your candidate, we have had multiple complaints regarding your recent post endorsing Peter Lesiak for ASUO President. In order to prevent further actions being taken against Peter, it is in his best interest that the “poster” portion of your recent post be taken down by tomorrow morning. Please look at section 6 of the Elections Rules, and feel free to contact us with any questions you have regarding this issue.

Thank you, and we appreciate your cooperation in this matter.

–
ASUO Elections Board
EMU Suite 4
1228 University of Oregon
Eugene OR 97403

The Oregon Commentator decided to respond. Here’s what we had to say.

Regarding your complaints about the post on our website. We assume you are calling to question with regards to ASUO Elections Rules, section 6.7 A (vii) “Publications produced with University and/or student funds; But does not include publications where student funds are used for a subscription of a given publication which include, but are not limited to, the Oregon Daily Emerald” as well as ASUO Executive Rule 82.4 “No incidental fees may be spent to support the campaign of any individual, or party, for public office. Fees may be used to promote appearances and discussions between several candidates for public office, in order to increase student knowledge of the issues of candidates.”

You may also recall a situation two years ago in which Con Court decided that campaigns cannot pay for ad space. We then decided to donate an ad, which is not against the rules, to a campaign. You can read all about it in our editorial from that issue, titled “Con Court can lick our collective nuts”. You can find it here.

In any case, you’re in luck because the Oregon Commentator website — the place in which Cpt. Lesiak’s poster is hosted — is a privately-run website, free of Incidental Fee money. You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about the website because it is not paid for by any student funding.

Thanks for playing along. Maybe next time.

Sincerely,
The Oregon Commentator

Glad we could start this off on the right foot. As a show of solidarity, here’s yet another one of Cpt. Peter Freedom Lesiak’s posters.

Okay, just got another e-mail from the ASUO Elections Board, this time more pretentious than the last:

Dear Oregon Commentator,

We understand that your online publication is a privately run website, and while we understand that the Oregon Commentator can not be held accountable  for this post, Peter himself CAN be. Please read section 1.2 and 1.3 to  better understand the definition of campaigning. Also, we recommend you  look over sections 6 and 7 of the Elections Rules again, focusing on  section 6.12 and section 7.2. Part of our job is to make sure that every  candidate has a fair opportunity in this election, and by posting the  campaign poster on your website, we believe you are giving an unfair  advantage to Peter, which is unacceptable. Again, while the Oregon  Commentator can not be held accountable, the individual candidate can.  Furthermore, your article of the Con Court ruling holds absolutely no merit  in this situation, because the issue we are concerned about is the fact  that the candidate is campaigning before the time designated for  campaigning. Which is in direct violation of the current Elections Rules.

Again, we ask that you remove the poster portion of your post by tomorrow morning. If this is not done, the individual candidate will be contacted to  discuss the issue.

Thanks for your cooperation.

And of course, our response:

ASUO Elections Board,
We would like to point out that Mr. Lesiak is not doing any campaigning, nor is the website a campaign in itself. From a technical standpoint, announcing your candidacy on our website is no different than other candidates announcing their candidacy in the Daily Emerald.

Of course, you can use your rules however you want. We don’t really care. The elections board is out of its mind and its jurisdiction. The posters will not come down from the website, for reasons previously stated.

In the words of Cpt. Lesiak, “Yarrr! We must first battle the squalls to find the calmer seas, littered with the treasure chests of a thousand plunders!”

Sincerely,
The Oregon Commentator

It looks like the ASUO Elections board is challenging Cpt. Lesiak to a duel with that ultimatim at the end. Swords at dawn!

OK got another response form the Elections Board. Here it is:

Oregon Commentator,

Because you refuse to comply with our request, we will be notifying the candidate of the potential violation and consequences of your actions. Our only goal is to make sure the upcoming elections run as smoothly as possible, and that the elections are run fairly. Again, feel free to contact us with any questions regarding the Elections.

Your professionalism has been greatly appreciated.

Man they got us with a real zinger there at the end! Golly! Here’s our response:

Avast!
You’ll never make me walk the plank, you scalywags! I’ll surely join the depths of Davy Jones’ locker by plunging myself into the blue before I let you dogs push me end on end! Full about, broad side sweeps o’er their bow before we prepare to board, men! Their elections rules are no match for our 50lb. grapeshot! Aim for their masts! They’ll never take us alive!

Sincerely,
The Oregon Commentator

Oh, here’s Cpt. Lesiak’s response to the Elections Board as well:

Dear ASUO elections board,

It has been brought to my attention that the Oregon Daily Emerald recently printed a front page article of candidates running and intending to run, with photos depicting their likeness and describing the basis of their campaign. I am merely advertising my intention to run and describing the basis of my campaign, exactly like the other candidates. But unlike the other candidates, my outlet is not run on the basis of student funds, where as the Oregon Daily Emerald is.

In all fairness I will comply with your demands to remove my “Intention To Run” image from the Oregon Commentator Website as soon as you remove all issues of the Oregon Daily Emerald featuring the other candidates from campus or arrange for my own front cover photo and interview in the Oregon Daily Emerald. Their names are already out there in a student funded publication, and students were able to read their names and what they are all about. Highly unfair to those students who were not included, don’t you think? Or have I been misinformed about what the ASUO elections board is supposed to be doing.

Maintaining A Fair Election.

Swashbuckling yours,

Captain Pete Freedom Lesiak

Stumbled across this totally great interview between Oregon head coach Chip Kelly and the Oregonian’s John Canzano. The conversation is ridiculous, mostly because I can’t tell if Canzano is an idiot or if he’s just trying to squeeze some information out of Kelly that he doesn’t want to give out.

Around minute 1:15 Canzano raises a concern to Kelly about whether or not LaMichael James is receiving “star treatment” referencing Kiki Alonso’s year-long suspension after getting a DUII recently. Canzano points out that LaMichael was in jail for 2 days and he hasn’t received an equal amount of discipline.

Kelly responded to Canzano that “I believe my player” leading me to think that at some point, both Alonso and James have had conversations with Kelly. The result of those conversations, or so it seems by Kelly’s responses, is that Alonso may have admitted to Kelly that yes, he was at fault, and that James has told Kelly that he is innocent. Of course, this is merely speculation, as Canzano asked Kelly directly whether or not Kelly was implying that James was innocent. “I’m not commenting on a specific situation,” said Kelly.

Kelly got pissed at Canzano saying, “When this whole thing shakes out, when all the facts are out, you put me on the air again. And you apologize [to me].” The rest of the conversation is totally hilarious, with Kelly arguing semantics of his quotes with Canzano, and Canzano pushing Kelly to ban LaMichael James, “On my program!”

The situation is rapidly becoming more and more ridiculous. Of course, the question is and always will be, why are our football players — seemingly all at once — deciding to get themselves into trouble? Since the parties are innocent until proven guilty, I won’t make overly broad statements, but it should be pointed out that if you are in a situation where you are accused of something like DUII or putting your hands on a woman (or really, anyone), you need to seriously reconsider your direction in life. At the least, there should be some kind of serious oversight by the Athletic Department and our Administration.

There was a letter to the editor in Monday’s Emerald signed by members of the Climate Justice League (Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Heart!) denouncing the ACFC’s recent decision not to fund OSPIRG. In part, the letter said:

“Although OSPIRG provided all of the materials and information the committee asked for, ACFC never clearly articulated a reason to not fund OSPIRG, except a vague sense of uncertainty.”

Of course, those who have read anything about the ACFC’s decision understand that the ACFC clearly outlined why they decided not to fund OSPIRG. Even more surprising is that many of the signers of the letter — including Sen. Jeremy Blanchard — attended the meeting and heard the ACFC’s reasons in person. A response was printed yesterday, signed by ASUO Senate President Nick Gower and Sen. Demic Tipitino (in addition to many others, including myself) that said:

“The problems with OSPIRG were clearly articulated, and they have been for years. OSPIRG sends student money off campus to pay non-students to lobby for issues that have little relation to the University of Oregon campus. Additionally, OSPIRG’s system is structured in a manner that partial funding would make the organization ineffective and an even greater waste of student dollars.”

Do the Planeteers need this outlined again? Let’s go “bulletpoints” on this one, shall we?

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Was on KWVA to talk about OSPIRG and no one from the OSPIRG side showed up. Alex Tomchak Scott tried to get about 4 pro-OSPIRG people to come, and they either all canceled or couldn’t come. Lyzi Diamond showed up though.

In any case, it was fun because we talked about Tree Bomb and the EMU renovation. I alluded to the fact that “only the winning side decided to show up.”

Sorry, all.

I’ve been invited to talk about OSPIRG on KWVA 88.1 campus radio later tonight. The downside? Robert D’Andrea will be part of the guests as well.

Tune in tonight to 88.1 or listen from iTunes at 6:30PM.

Just added a sweet new button for y’all to buy Sudsy Tees from us if you’re not in the direct vicinity. Due to eBay costs and shipping, the price of the shirt is $16.95 when purchased online, but you can use your credit/debit card or Paypal to buy it!

As always, you are also welcome to send us a check for a mere $15, or come down to the office in person and purchase a shirt less the shipping and eBay tax for just $10.

CLICK HERE TO BUY A SUDSY TEE

This morning I opened the pages of the Daily Emerald opinion section to find something so rare, something so seldom captured by the human eye that it must be commented on. Yes, the Daily Emerald actually ran an editorial. This is a rare finding, seeing as how the space is usually occupied by cartoons with incorrect spelling and “thumbs up, thumbs down” enlightenment.

The editorial masquerades as a warning to those considering involvement in the ASUO next year, citing coming registration for this Spring’s ASUO elections.

“Filing for the elections starts next week. If you are interested in taking on this process, learn about it. Talk to people holding office in the ASUO, read the Green Tape Notebook (which includes the rules for being an ASUO senator), attend the pre-campaign meetings and be prepared to work hard.

…

Taking on this process requires no less than an absolute commitment: Be very aware of what you are getting into.”

While I have to agree that this year’s rash of ASUO resignations is rather odd and frankly, disheartening, the Emerald’s editorial offers blanket statements of disappointment towards all that have resigned.

“An ASUO Senate position is a lot of work. You have a hand in controlling a $12-million-dollar budget and will be leading 20,000 of your peers during their education. It should be no surprise that this requires time, energy and dedication. In spite of this, resignations have become typical.”

The editorial essentially complainins about the abdicated spots in the ASUO as “letting down the students”. This from an organization that has fired two news editors, an opinion editor and had another news writer quit because of the firings. And those are the people I know about.

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