George Carlin died.

A video of one of his best bits is below the fold.

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The Olympic Trials are nearly upon Eugene. For many, this means flying in from other parts of the country and renting a hotel room or apartment for a few days and enjoying this spectacle of world-class athleticism.

Indeed, Eugene has gone to great lengths to make the city a fun and welcoming place for people to come and enjoy during the trials. Also practically upon us is the (in)famous Oregon Country Fair, which begins on July 11, a mere 5 days after the Olympic Trials wrap up.

The upshot of all of this is that Eugene’s already-sizeable transient population is set to increase dramatically for the next month or so. In the interest of helping sports-minded hobos find their way around the city during the Olympic Trials and hopefully minimizing the confusion and possible bumfights over stoops and alleyways that might occur when the homeless Country Fair crowd arrives, I thought it might be helpful to post a link to this guide to hobo signs.

Hobo signs can be useful for a transient new to the area who might be wondering where he can get “work for food,” where he can “fake illness” for a place to sleep, which houses are “easy marks” or where “anything goes.” They’re also helpful for warning the wary drifter away from houses where judges live, “men with guns”, or dangerous “brutal” men.

While I do realize the inherent irony in writing on a blog about hobo signs for transients, it is my sincere hope that at least one bum will stop abusing his body while looking at pornography at the Knight Library long enough to find this post. After all, if we can help just one tramp avoid a “bad tempered owner”, then we’ve made the world a better place.

I was perusing an old back-issue today in the office, and I came across an article by Jeremy Jones describing some of the bizarre sites that can be found on the U of O servers. Seeing as how it’s the end of the school year and how it’s a real drag coming up with original ideas, I did a little digging and found a few gems of my own. Without further ado, I present the following sites for your viewing pleasure:

• An epic 40-part webcomic about D&D
• Star Wars: The Magic of Myth
• Cute Things That Spencer Did - a laundry list of cute things that the author’s kid (Spencer, I presume) did. The scary part is that the author updated the site for five years before Spencer’s antics were no longer newsworthy.
• The Official OC Archive Update
• And finally my personal favorite: http://www.uoregon.edu/~jvansise/asshole/asshole.htm

The double feature you’ve been waiting for all year is finally here. 32 pages of Hate + 16 pages of Hack Attack = the apocalypse - if not that, at least one uproarious read. Enjoy.

In case you ever wondered how bad life can get, all you have to do is read this.

Everyone’s favorite ex-professor Deb Frisch is currently spamming up the Daily Emerald’s comment section. She’s using the following sock puppets: “heckler,” “amos,” “borscht belt,” “sara hodges,” “bill not so hardbaugh,” “myron rothbart,” “ben Bernanke,” and  ”david crowell.” Frisch’s beautiful prose can also be found clogging up the comments at Predictably Irrational.

I don’t have the energy to tell the full, convoluted tale of Deb Frisch’s Internet Jihad, but let’s just say if you could convert crazy to electricity, Frisch could power Las Vegas for a week. You can read the whole backstory in the archives or over at the Deborah Frisch Timeline. Thanks to Will for the tip.

UPDATE: I just remembered it was my turn to do Metal Monday. There’s a video dedicated to Auntie Moonbat after the jump (more…)

Who says soviet propaganda is a dead art? 

Did the Washington Post switch stories with the Onion today, or something?

President Bush said yesterday that he gave up golfing in 2003 “in solidarity” with the families of soldiers who were dying in Iraq, concluding that it was “just not worth it anymore” to play the sport in a time of war.

“I don’t want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf,” Bush said in a White House interview with the Politico. “I feel I owe it to the families to be as — to be in solidarity as best as I can with them.”

Some people give their lives for their country. Some people wave goodbye to their children, who’re deploying overseas, not knowing if they’ll ever see them again. President Bush gave up golf.

America appreciates his sacrifice.

As if the protests about Tibet and other gripes about China weren’t enough, it seems that the Beijing 2008 Olympics have struck again: lumber prices are rising from growing demand for boards for Taekwondo training and insufficient supply. With the looming recession and a housing market already in collapse, this is only adding to the negative forces in the U.S. economy by raising construction costs for homes and furniture. (more…)

You can send Hillary Clinton an e-card wishing her a happy Mother’s Day. But what to say? There’s so many possibilities. I was thinking maybe: “Congratulations on fulfilling one of the seven phenomena of life. Only six more to go to prove you’re not a satan-robot!”

Hat tip to the always classy gals at Wonkette.

In preparation for the ‘08 Olympic Trials, the painfully white City of Eugene is bracing itself for an influx of mysterious, dark-skinned athletes by giving diversity training to volunteers, police and hospitality workers. I don’t know what’s funnier - the actual story or the news anchor’s faux outrage. Maybe it just sounds a lot stranger to people who haven’t been embedded in this bizarre Bermuda Triangle of crazy for the past two or three years. For example, when I watched this I said, “Yeah, that sounds about right for Eugene.” Thanks to Mike G. for the tip.

The Eugene Weekly finally has their new dating and personals site, Wink + Kink, online, providing the Commentator with a new, limitless source of comedy. The only question is how many I SAW YOU’s can you handle?  For example:

Hey, um, I saw you at the VRC in the food court reading manga, “Got Rice?” Tee shirt, glasses, very cute. Saw you later watching “Smart People” alone, thought you had an adorable giggle. Me: kind of loud girl sitting in the row in front of you, red Chuck Taylors, MC Chris shirt and Foster’s sweatshirt, glasses, ponytail. I get a discount on manga at work, interested??

Or, on a slightly more disturbing note:

You activate my motion sensing flood lights practically every night when you walk by. Why don’t you stop and say hi? Is it my big telescope that distracts you?

The site currently has a free promotion going, and being the curious journalist that I am (and single), I have started exploring this strange, new meat market. The “Wink” section of the site is set up more like a conventional dating site, while “Kink” is more, well, kinky. I haven’t delved into the horrors of “Kink” yet, but the public has a right to know, dammit! Expect a full report soon.

You know, if there’s one group in football that doesn’t get as much press as it deserves, it’s the offensive line. Well, the Duck’s offensive line is looking to put a little glamor back in the position. They just put out a calendar full of humorous, surreal beefcake shots of themselves. All the proceeds will go towards the National Childhood Obesity Foundation (natch). If you’re wondering how surreal, well …

I’d make a lot of snarky comments, but Everyday Should Be Saturday is already on top of things. Thanks to OC Alum Ian Spencer for bringing this to our attention.

Read it here.

1. People dressed in garbage.

I saw the garbage monsters walking down 13th today, beatboxing and telling people to recycle.