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Everyone has heard it at some point. Usually it will be at a lackluster party, in which flagging conversation is suddenly renewed by the topic of everyone’s favorite incitement to promiscuity: Bonobos. You know, as in “oh my God, wouldn’t it be like, sooo great if we could all just solve our problems by fucking instead of fighting? Bonobos kick ass!” But the Bonobo is not just the spirit animal of the conversationally ungifted lech, apparently it has become the mascot of the dreaded “SP” (Secular Progressive) and as such, it must be attacked by those who seek to protect us from the spectre of “G-G rubbing” as a tool of social harmony.

Enter Dinesh D’souza, the guy who blamed 9-11 on liberals, who “debunks the myth of the promiscuous Bonobo”, by way of attacking the crazy lefties who can’t get enough of the horny little buggers.  Although lines like “I’m surprised the Democratic Party hasn’t changed its symbol from the donkey to the bonobo” are good for teh lulz, D’Souza is clearly trying to score culture warrior points by “proving” that Bonobo sexuality is a perversion caused by captivity. And why wouldn’t he, considering that it makes liberals look like bad scientists as well as huge pervs?

Of course there’s no question that D’Souza is willing to blur a few lines in order to make a partisan point, because that’s what he does for a living. What is a little more surprising is that the article he cites is more than a little, erm, lacking in credibility. Frans DeWall, whom D’Souza attacks, responds at Skeptic (NSFW!) with a long, but worth-reading piece giving a nuanced summary of Bonobo behavior, that impresses with it’s balance, proving once again that science with an agenda is no science at all.

Everyone’s buddies at the Recording Industry Association of America are suing 17 UO students for illegaly downloading copywrited material over the Universities network, according to local news reports. Apparently the RIAA asked the University to identify a number of network users, and offer them settlements in their ongoing legal struggle to prevent people from stealing food from Lars Urich’s children. The pre-litigation settlement offers were not forwarded to the John Doe defendants, according to UO General Counsel Randy Gellar.

“It’s our policy not to send those letters along because we are neither the agent of the RIAA or any students,” Geller said. “As far as I know no students have been sued by the RIAA.”

Similar attempts by the RIAA to discover the identity of illegal downloaders on University networks failed at the University of New Mexico earlier this year. Although the UO may pose as the defender of student privacy, it did block network access to as many as 24 students per week last year for illegal downloads on the University network. Thank god someone is looking out for these poor people.

Yesterday CNN hosted its much-hyped YouTube presidential debate with the Democratic candidates. Rather than a traditional moderator, all the questions posed were submitted via YouTube by “average joes” (and a snowman). I guess this was the Internet’s big chance to make good on that whole “democratizing effect” promise we’ve been hearing about for the past ten years or so. Of course, the questions were still screened and selected by CNN, which explains the notable absence of YouTube’s regular fare (crazy Japanese prank shows, people ghostriding the whip and teenagers going out of their minds on salvia).

As for the content, it seemed marginally more interesting than a regular debate; there was at least the potential to put the candidates in the hot seat, such as when a lesbian couple inquired as to why they shouldn’t be allowed to marry. If nothing else, it was a step in the right direction, although Politico found it highly ironic that the debate itself failed to produce a “YouTube moment.” Also not impressed were the folks over at Wonkette, who live-blogged the whole thing (read: sat at their computers and got drunk as the debate unfolded).

It’s kind of sad that I got this via the Agitator, but OC Alumn and all-around cool guy Mark Hemingway has a piece about Live Earth in NRO. The whole thing is golden, so read it, but I’ve excerpted a few of my favorite bits below.

12:59: Another PSA, this time horrendously exploited children prattling on about global warming. One very young girl bemoans that her children may never see a blue sky or green grass. It’s a full-frame closeup with tears streaming down her face. Naturally, this causes my wife to laugh uproariously. I knew there was a reason I married her.

5:55: John Mayer takes the stage. Mayer is Berklee College of Music grad and arguably the first virtuoso musician to take the stage today. Too bad he’s carved out a lucrative career by taking on the most thankless task in music — writing songs that simultaneously a) make sorority girls feel good about themselves (“Greg at Sigma Chi would never compare my body to a wonderland!”) and b) are non-threatening enough that make aging Grammy voters feel good about voting for someone under 30. For all of his technically impressive licks, every song the man writes makes my cochlea want to leap out of my head and dissolve themselves in a warm bucket of lye.

This describes, perfectly, exactly what is wrong with John Mayer.

Polling closed at 11:59 PM last night, and now it’s official: Springfield, Vermont is going to host the Simpsons’ movie premier

Dress up. According to the Southern District of Florida Blog, the jurors in the Jose Padilla trial showed their patriotic fervor (if not their commitment to giving Mr Padilla a fair trial) by dressing up for work yesterday. Apparently, one row of jurors dressed entirely in red, another in white and the third all in blue. What better way to prove you aren’t on the terrorist’s side? (Hat Tip: Volokh Conspiracy)

Pardon someone. Thanks to President Bush’s deep and abiding commitment to the principles which made this country great, Lewis “Scooter” Libby will have plenty to celebrate this independence day. As usual, Blogometer has a ton of blogosphere reactions, ranging from KLo’s renewed enthusiasm for the Bush presidency (ugh), to Earl Blumenauer’s comparison of Libby to Paris Hilton (double ugh). Get some perspective on the issue by checking out the Families against Mandatory Minimums list of people who actually deserve commuted sentences (via Hit and Run)

Release an intellectually dishonest movie about socialized health care. Except that it’s won’t make much money, even MTV won’t like it, and it will irritate anyone with half a brain.

Have a bong hit 4 Jesus. Just don’t do it at school. Or, just play Bong Hits 4 Jesus: The Game over at Students For Sensible Drug Policy. (via Hit and Run)

Check out the Daily Dish’s smorgasbord of reasons to love America.  Theyrange from video of Jimi playing the national anthem and “Freedom isn’t Free,” to Steinbeck and Whitman.

Get the hell off of your computer and enjoy the outdoors. Damn.

Bob Barker recently retired from his more than 35 year post as host of “The Price is Right”, and now CBS is looking to fill those venerable shoes. But who could possibly capture that Barker magic? Who could command such impeccable style and grace, such suave and level-headed demeanor? Well, Rosie O’Donnell would like a crack at it.

In other news, the moon recently turned to blood, and the sun was darkened. The bowls of God’s wrath were poured upon the earth, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Sometimes reality is so insane that simply reporting facts makes you complicit in the lunacy. Some events are so unbelieveable that even a picture won’t suffice. Sometimes, the only way to really understand something is through comics. With that, I’m proud to present “Deb and Jeb’s Goodtime Revival Throwdown.” (more…)

(At Ted, wearing a Sudsy shirt)“Oh, you’re from the Commentator! That shirt, it makes you look real clever. Are you Niedermeyer?”

-Deb Frisch haunting the campus

Andrea got a great picture of me posing with her. I did not know who DF is, until I heard her harsh voice screaming Kumbaya towards Brother Jed. The best moment of the day was when four students, including myself, physically blocked her off from Brother Jed so that we could listen to what he was saying. The fact that we chose offensive and unbelievable Brother Jed speaks something of the vileness of Deb Frisch. Turns out she’s an internet celebrity, one of those infamous ones. I feel tainted and defiledhonored to have been graced by her presence, and also to have bore witness to her being thrown out of the little circle of people by an civvie-clothed EPD officer after things got too heated between Jed and Deb.

Slate has the skinny on the brave new world of political futures markets. Think you can make a buck predicting the winner? Want to test your faith in markets? Want to grab some John Edwards stock before it splits on news that he’s upgrading his haircare? What do you have to lose but the respect of anyone with less time on their hands than you?

I just saw this on the University front page: There’s a showing of the Korean film Oldboy at the International Resource Center in the EMU at 7 pm tonight. If you haven’t seen this kick-ass film, well… it’s definitely not like many other movies you’ve seen. Lots of revenge, blood, fried dumplings, an octopus, and an amazing fight scene involving a dozen thugs versus one guy and a hammer.

The ending is not to be missed, though I recommend drinking heavily beforehand.

One of the few shows that I watch on cable television is the Travel Channel’s Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. Bourdain is an unpretentious celebrity chef who travels around the world with camera crew in tow, eating interesting and tasty foods, meeting fascinating people, and boozing it up with most everyone he meets. Previous episodes include the host nearly getting crushed under an ATV in New Zealand, dabbling with hallucinogenic substances in Peru, and watching Israeli gunships sweep over Beirut.

Bourdain and his crew filmed an episode of the highly entertaining show in Portland last summer and it’s due to air on January 15th. I’d advise anyone with an interest in Portland to check it out. Heck, it’s got to be at least as good as when Dave Attell swung through a few years ago.

Let us take a break from our discussion on college football and turn our attention to bees.  Yes, bees.  Ever thought about how honey is made?  Yeah, it is kind of gross.

Fortunately, this post is not concerned with honey.  It is about bees.  More specifically, it is about bees, fire and explosions.  Enjoy.

Everyone gets those annoying “We have untold millions in a Nigerian bank, and all we need is a kind westerner to help us out” scam emails… not everyone writes back. The Barrister Jubril Project (Hat tip: Volokh Conspiracy) shows us that these emails can be your ticket to hours of fun, fucking with the bastards who prey on idiots. Some of my favorite moments:

“What a lot of wine 30% of 42 million will buy! You see, Dr. Suleman, my colleagues and I at the JCI are great connisseurs of some of the finer fortified wines: Thunderbird, Wild Irish Rose, MD 20/20 and the like. Oh, but it is a drain on the pocketbook! With our share of the funds from this transaction our humble Journal can begin constriction of our long-dreamt-of fortified wine cellar! Just imagine the delight my colleagues and I will experience when we can sample a bottle of Tunderbird not out of paper bags in the parking lot but rather in the damp, musty regions of the earth! There will be many parties in which the Thunderbird and Velveeta flow freely.”

also…

“So, in a nutshell, here’s the deal: you pay 10% of the $26,000 upfront to release these funds or you don’t see a dime. You have 48 hours to respond to my proposal, at which time I will be out of the country, immune from prosecution.
Best regards,
L. Ron. Hubbard, President, First National Bank of Paltryville”

Keep in mind, these gems were written by the “target” of of the Nigerian scam, in parts of an epic correspondance with the crooks. The website has a number of different hilarious approaches to the many variations of the Nigerian or 419 scam, including responses from “Body By Jake” and the touching handwritten note from “Joey” who endorses a fake charity by scrawling “thanks to this money I can have all the Old English Hi-Gravite Malt Likker I want.” Classic.