Kevin Williams has been named as the first permanent director of DPS in four years, according to a Daily Emerald report. Williams has been a Lane County Sheriff for the past two years, where he was responsible for introducing Tasers into the Lane County Jail. According to the Emerald story, Williams is “in favor of arming DPS officers with Tasers” and has “said he would support turning DPS into a full-blown police department.” He also “has ideas to alleviate parking pressures at the University,” and is a fan of Duck football.

Although the hiring process has been open to students, the final two choices for DPS director were both strong proponents of transitioning DPS into a full-fledged, armed police force, a position which is hardly popular among students. Naturally the “DPS serves students” rhetoric has been splashed around throughout the hiring process, but the Administration has made it clear that the DPS is headed towards police department status, and that issuing Tasers to officers is now practically an inevitability. Choosing Williams not only brings in the public face of Taser advocacy in Lane County, but compliments that with what seems to be a deep suspicion of the students he has been hired to protect. During the hiring process, Williams “said he would also like to encourage a training day on campus for area police officers, to prepare for what might occur should a riot start or a group of student protesters get out of hand.”

The choice has been made, in a “fair” and “open” process, which was only guaranteed to have a minimum of student input because it occured in the middle of summer. This allowed the Administration to push its agenda of a a tougher, armed DPS while reinforcing in their minds the perception that students are too lazy or ignorant to care.  That’s cool though, because we will just have to continue to be highly suspicious of the DPS and its  institutional drift towards ever more power and interference into the lives of students. So with that, allow me to extend a hearty welcome to Mr. Williams. You have your agenda, we have ours… as long as you are willing to talk to us (unlike the late, lamented, lamentable Mr Driscoll) we’ll all manage to get along somehow. At least until the first on-campus Tasing.

Everyone’s buddies at the Recording Industry Association of America are suing 17 UO students for illegaly downloading copywrited material over the Universities network, according to local news reports. Apparently the RIAA asked the University to identify a number of network users, and offer them settlements in their ongoing legal struggle to prevent people from stealing food from Lars Urich’s children. The pre-litigation settlement offers were not forwarded to the John Doe defendants, according to UO General Counsel Randy Gellar.

“It’s our policy not to send those letters along because we are neither the agent of the RIAA or any students,” Geller said. “As far as I know no students have been sued by the RIAA.”

Similar attempts by the RIAA to discover the identity of illegal downloaders on University networks failed at the University of New Mexico earlier this year. Although the UO may pose as the defender of student privacy, it did block network access to as many as 24 students per week last year for illegal downloads on the University network. Thank god someone is looking out for these poor people.

This story comes from the Cincinnati Enquirer.  I am going to take a little creative license with the general gist of this story.

“Excuse me miss, got any change.”

Woman reaches into her pocket as if she is digging for change, but instead of producing a quarter, she is now wielding a gun.

“Here’s your change.”

Yes, a woman in Cincinnati shot and killed a homeless man after he asked her for change.  I can only imagine how well this woman would cope in Eugene.

“Want to buy the world’s funniest joke books?”  BAM!

“Can I take your empty beer cans?” BAM!

“Want to buy a bicycle seat I stole from a college kid to fuel my meth addiction?”  BAM! 

It would be like a slightly sadder but still entertaining Death Wish sequel. 

The ODE reported yesterday on former DPS meter attendant Orion Martin pleading guilty for stealing change from campus parking meters to feed his methamphetamine addiction. The ODE reported that he must repay $2,000, along with undergoing 18 months probation (he should read to elders) and some drug treatment.

In statements taken by EPD, Martin’s ex-wife said she divorced him because of his drug habit and because he was stealing thousands of dollars from the University. She said he was stealing hundreds of dollars a week.

This is a tough blow for the already pathetic reputation of a program that was found to have $96,000 unaccounted for in 2005, resulting in positions being replaced. Taking an even tougher blow, however, is the tweaker community of Eugene. It has been said by secret sources of to the OC (a.k.a. our crack babies) that Martin had recently been promoted to No. 1 in command of the Nickel-and-Dime Brigade of the West Eugene Tweaks (WETs). The organization has yet to name a replacement.

This is the epitome of profiteering off of war tragedies. Forget Halliburton, forget defense contracts, whatever the left-wing blames the war for. This is about something else, something closer to my heart. It’s about veterans and service members KIA in war.

This story tells about Dan Frazier, a businessman in Flagstaff, AZ who is selling Anti-war T-shirts that have the NAMES OF SERVICE MEMBERS that have died on them for $20 a piece. There is nothing I hate more than a liberal or conservative or whoever that uses the deaths of soldiers and Marines for political statements. The utter disrespect for the sacrifice is appalling.

Arizona is trying to outlaw the sale of such a shirt, and Frazier is defending it as his First Amendment rights. This speaks of a larger problem with American society. People have lost moral sense whatsoever. They do not look at what is socially irresponsible or wrong, but just what is legal and illegal. And people are just looking to make a buck, regardless of the emotional or moral cost. I suppose that’s the downside of having a market-driven economy/country. Sure, Frazier might have the right to sell such a shirt (which he may not even, since I don’t know if the First Amendment applies to making profit). But does that fact that he is a shitbag and WRONG say anything to him? No.

The end of the article reaffirms all assumptions I made about Frazier: he said that any publicity is good because it boosts the sales of his T-shirts.

Why is that as soon as someone comes up with an idea which has the potential to usher in a new age of peace and understanding, some pissant liquor regulator has to come in and screw things up for everyone? Does it get any more joyless and misanthropic than denying frozen beer treats to hot, thirsty alcoholics? Has anyone been to Virginia in the summer? Oh, the humanity! (Hat Tip: The Agitator)

Rumor has it that I am being stalked!

Scary, to say the least. But I will not cower in the face of creepiness! I stand strong, unafraid, and prepared for whatever the stalkers have to bring.

Hah.

An over three month investigation has led to the arrest of 23-year-old Aaron Vernon Heyer of Coos Bay, who was booked yesterday on a felony charge (Failure to Perform Duties of Driver to Injured Persons) for a March 4 hit-and-run at the corner of 15th and Hilyard that killed 22-year-old University student Brian Sanford Reams.

The suspect vehicle was “quickly identified” by investigators. A press report says the car, a Cadillac sedan, was driven to Eugene by one in a group of friends that came to hang out for the weekend. Heyer, through his attorney, agreed to come to Eugene yesterday afternoon to meet with primary investigator, Officer Ben Hall, and was then arrested.

UPDATE: The ODE picked this up and put a story online, although there is not more information being given out.

It has come to our attention that the University of Oregon is now growing opium poppies on campus. Two specimens of Papaver Somniforum have been spotted behind the Knight Library. Clearly someone sees some value in these plants, which look for all the world like large weeds, because there is now a sign requesting that these “flowering plants” not be removed. The questions arising from this situation are endless… are these Afghan beauties for Das Frohn’s personal stash, or is the U of O going to ditch the education game entirely to concentrate on the more profitable pursuits of football and heroin production?

This story will almost certainly culminate in an unhappy ending. These beautiful and potent plants want only to live, survive, and someday create delicious poppy seeds, but as wikipedia notes “Possession of any part of non-’low morphine’ Papaver somniferum other than the seed is outlawed in the United States and is listed as a Schedule II controlled substance by the Drug Enforcement Administration.”Unless we truly are on the cusp of becoming a narco-University, these beautiful specimens will probably be destroyed by some University maintenance worker.

We believe in the right of these entities to live full life-cycles, free from violence and the persecution of the DEA. We have named the larger of these two poppies “Dopey, the friendly campus opium poppy,” and we will keep our readership abreast of all developments in this story. Please, President Frohnmayer, prove your commitment to botanical diversity and save these oppressed and marginalized species.

Here’s a surpisingly topical and nauseating story: a group of 20-30 teenagers attacked two Hispanic men Thursday night, throwing stones and kicking them while reportedly yelling things like “go back to Mexico!” According to reports, the two men were sitting in a park near Salem, minding their own business, when the mob assaulted them. In addition, the teenagers also trashed the car of one of men. Police arrested one person at the scene, 18 year-old Austin Greenwood, who was charged with second-degree assault, riot, first-degree criminal mischief and being a minor in possession of alcohol. A boozed-up Greenwood offered an eloquent defense of his actions. From the Oregonian:

After questioning Austin Wright Greenwood at the scene, a Clackamas County Sheriff’s Deputy placed him under arrest. The deputy reported that Greenwood said, “The only thing I did was wrestle with some fat Mexican.”

Apparently, Greenwood thought himself some sort of luchador. However, not yet content with his stunning display of civility and manners, Greenwood perfomed the coup de grace.

The deputy also reported that Greenwood spat on the patrol-car window and urinated in the rear seat while he sat in custody. The officer said Greenwood also repeatedly hurled profanities at the deputy as he drove Greenwood to jail, where he is now lodged.

Reading this story, I suddenly had a great idea for immigration reform. I propose a worker-exchange program where we trade waste-of-space shitheads like Greenwood for people who actually want to come to this country and work. It’s a win-win situation.

I just recieved the following email desribing a precautionary closure of the Lillis Business Complex:

Over the weekend, the University of Oregon learned of a bomb threat made against the Lillis Business Complex. Upon receiving the threat, the UO Department of Public Safety immediately contacted the Eugene Police Department and locked down the complex. Law enforcement experts then conducted a sweep of the facilities. No explosive device was found. While UO and law enforcement officials do not believe the threat is credible, the decision has been made to close the buildings on Monday, May 7, 2007 as a precaution. As a result, all classes, activities and other business scheduled in the Lillis
Business Complex have been cancelled on Monday. The complex will reopen on Tuesday, May 8 at 7 a.m.

Dave Frohnmayer

President, University of Oregon

Hm. Any coincidence that this one was called in around midterms?

DPS and EPD both have been looking into adding tasers to their respective force programs. I think I have found the perfect models for them. Check out these new tasers making crimson waves in the blogging world. I think even the female officers will enjoy carrying them.

This little old lady should be living here in Eugene where possession of up to an ounce is considered only a misdemeanor. Thank goodness for our city government’s “de-criminalized” policies!

My letter to the Emerald published Wednesday questions the safety of students in the event of a suicidal shooter on campus, and primarily questions the ability of the police or University to keep us safe. A nice person sent me a memo outlining the administration’s concerns about student safety due to the VTech shooting - apparently to quell criticisms. Unfortuneatly, the letter illustrates my point, and lets see how it compares to the strategy VTech used.

1.

The UO has several communication systems to notify members of the university community of emergencies. Each building has a full‐time staff member who is designated as the building manager. We use telephone and e‐mail to communicate with the building managers, who coordinate information flow with students, faculty and staff. In addition, the staff members administering the university Web site are prepared to post updates to unfolding emergencies. The university can also activate a recorded message, allowing community members to call in and listen to updates and safety instructions.

VTech also has these “communication systems” i.e. phones, e-mail, and a website. Someone must be there to utilize them though, and the VT administration sent a wide e-mail about an hour-and-a-half after the first two victims were killed - right before the second slaughter.

2.

In addition, many in leadership positions of the university have completed crisis management and communication training designed by the Federal Emergency Management Agency. In our effort to be prepared for any eventuality, we periodically train for a variety of scenarios

What?!? You’re actually admitting you were trained by FEMA? One of the largest cities in the US was destroyed and FEMA did practically nothing about it - hrm…which is probably what would happen if there was an emergency on campus.

3.

We have consulted student, faculty and administration leaders on campus and will continue to work to enhance the safety while still recognizing the sad truth that sometimes there is no way to prevent dangers of the larger world from intruding on campus.

The last sentence is an honest admission that the University cannot protect you from everything while on campus, which is a nice change from the “we’re the only ones who can protect you” stance typically taken. Sometimes there isn’t a way to prevent every danger, but there are good ways of deterring it and reducing the risk. With this in mind, students should be encouraged to be proactive about their safety, including allowing students to carry concealed weapons.

4.

If you should see anyone who is behaving in a manner that you think might be threatening, or anything that you think might pose a danger, please immediately notify the Department of Public Safety at 346‐6666.

This is wrong - if you see anything that might be a danger, protect your self first, then call 911 when you safely can. If you are being attacked, or shot at, defend your life first at all costs!

In this memo, the University gives potentially life-threatening advice, and shares none of the policies that actually would be enacted in the case of an emergency - such as will DPS officers risk their lives to save students? I think we all know the answer.

The good people (er, person) over at Welcome to Blog have a great post up comparing the Portland media’s reaction to recent anarchist activity with that of the “rightosphere”. As one would expect from Blog, the writing is excellent:

My pet theory: for Portland, anarchists setting things on fire is passe. Oh, sure, it was all really, really exciting back in ‘99 during the WTO fallout but in ‘07? It draws a collective roll of the eyes. Their actions on Sunday smack of Marilyn Manson or a random shock celeb trying to top themselves well after their fanbase has moved on.

Sorry, guys. It’s over. I know, I know. Given all the local attention the Schumacher Furs protesters received, it isn’t fair. But, hey, you made the Drudge Report. That’s got to count for something. Middle America is still outraged by your antics. Have you considered taking this act out on the road? Just start in Pendleton and work your way east until you hit Savannah.

I’ll take anarchists holding up signs and burning flags over anarchists breaking shit and acting like pissed off soccer fans. Frankly the idea of anarchists organizing a protest is incredibly funny to me. Although, when anarchists do break shit it gives the police an excuse to break them, which I enjoy even more. So I guess I’m torn on this one.