Well, it’s that day of the week again, and there’s a brand new Eugene Weekly on the streets filled to bursting with bizarre rants from Lane County’s finest. I’ve titled this roundup the “historical perspective edition” because several of the letters use the oh-so popular rhetorical device of comparing modern situations to the past … with disastrous results. But before we get to that, let’s start out with Bernard Knickerson’s two-sentence opus:

Every citizen who pays taxes and all the soldiers who follow orders are accomplices to vast and various crimes against humanity. Are all of them either criminals or slaves?

Knickerson has cleverly managed to distill Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience into two, asinine sentences, throwing out all of the sweeping, Romantic language and rhetorical force. I believe in the J-School we call that “AP Style.” More written trainwrecks after the jump. (more…)

On Nov. 2 the Pacifica Forum will host a lecture in 129 Mackenzie entitled “Free Speech vs. Zionist Power” by Mark Weber, “America’s most prominent revisionist historian.”

Weber is the director of the Institute for Historical Review, one of the larger anti-Zionist “institutes” around. This isn’t unusual for the Pacifica Forum, however; they routinely invite tinfoil hats, holocaust deniers and other mixed nuts to speak at their forum. For instance, a while ago they had a lecture on the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion, a proven hoax that dumbasses still use as evidence of the Zionists’ plans for world domination.

On a completely unrelated note, the lecture is listed in the events section of the forum of stormfront.org, whose motto is “white pride world wide.”  Finally, something the hippies and white nationalists can agree on: a mutual hate of Israel.

The cover story of this week’s Eugene Weekly is about Oregon’s booming wine industry reaching into the Southern Willamette Valley. The article contains numerous stats and number-crunching. For the brief history section of the article, Lance Sparks does some crack reporting.

“A Wikipedia entry traces the pace of that growth: By 1970, we had five bonded wineries and 35 acres…”

 

Yes, the Weekly used Wikipedia as a source, and admitted doing it. I will let you judge for yourself.

If you picked up the Register Guard today, you probably noticed the headline “Council high on downtown ideas“. Somebody down at the RG must have been having a chuckle, or else they’ve never been downtown.

But I can see why they must have thought the city council was high. The story is about the multitude of proposals being considered by the council for developing downtown Eugene. Here’s the lead:

Condos. A four-screen movie theater. Restaurants. A grocery store. Even a 24-hour newsstand.

The Eugene City Council on Wednesday liked all of those ideas and more for revitalizing two blocks in the heart of downtown.

A 24-hour newsstand? God, they must have been baked. “Imagine, like, a newsstand … a newsstand that you can go to anytime, and the guy there will tell you what the news is, like, right at that moment. Whoa.” However, these were just a few of the 123 recomendations submitted by the West Broadway Advisory Committee, all of which sound totally awsome when you’re stoned. (more…)

Hot on the heels of a severe and unwarranted electrocution at the University of Florida, the City of Eugene has decided to give those who serve and protect some cattle prods Tasers. Prompted by the shooting death of a mentally ill teen late last year, the committee has taken all of ten months to decide that giving police one more weapon to use against drunken college students is the right solution. I might have fired the officers involved, maybe tried to have them arrested for murder, and considered taking away options for force rather than granting more, just a thought. It’s nice they have another committee studying mental illness intervention, but wouldn’t proper intervention technique obviate the need for Tasers which will inevitably get misused?

Most disturbing, however, is that the EPD will be in charge of evaluating the success of the pilot program:

Although the policy has been written, the work is not over for this committee. It will need to shape the evaluation process and decide how police will determine the success or failure of the pilot project.

Brown stressed the policy was designed just for the pilot project.

“The Police Commission will take the data and community reaction and input and then decide whether Tasers are going to be a permanent part of the police arsenal,” he said.

So they’re going to buy a bunch of Tasers, give them to the police, and let the police decide how well the community reacts…hmmm…does anyone else see a potential problem with that approach? No conflict of interest there or anything, move along.

On Friday, the University administration will ask the Board of Higher Education to use eminent domain to acquire the rest of the land on Franklin needed to build the new arena, the 7-Eleven, a dental office and the old Dominoes building, it was reported today.

Melinda Grier, UO general counsel, told The Register-Guard newspaper of Eugene that the university still hopes to reach voluntary agreements with the property owners. But, she added, the university hopes to begin arena construction next year and needs assurance that the properties will be part of the site.

(more…)

You know that journalism has reached an all-time low when a magazine uses LOLcats as its cover.

But then again, it is just the Eugene Weekly.

This story comes from the Cincinnati Enquirer.  I am going to take a little creative license with the general gist of this story.

“Excuse me miss, got any change.”

Woman reaches into her pocket as if she is digging for change, but instead of producing a quarter, she is now wielding a gun.

“Here’s your change.”

Yes, a woman in Cincinnati shot and killed a homeless man after he asked her for change.  I can only imagine how well this woman would cope in Eugene.

“Want to buy the world’s funniest joke books?”  BAM!

“Can I take your empty beer cans?” BAM!

“Want to buy a bicycle seat I stole from a college kid to fuel my meth addiction?”  BAM! 

It would be like a slightly sadder but still entertaining Death Wish sequel. 

Yesterday the Register Guard performed its required duty as an Oregon newspaper by printing another scary story on the so-called “meth epidemic.” How scary, you say? The front-page headline reads “New fear for parents: candy-flavored meth”.

That’s right, folks. Meth is coming for your kids in delicious fruit flavors. According to the article, the street name for flavored meth is “strawberry quick.” Hmm, why not “very berry crank” or “watermelon felon?” A police officer in the article claims the new fruity meth is an attempt by dealers to branch out. From the article:

He said drug traffickers want to attract younger customers, and to do so, have devised a “package and label” that will appeal to youths.

Yes, I can imagine the local meth barons holding a board meeting and deciding they needed to “reach a new demographic” and “expand their market share,” etc. Personally, I wouldn’t get worried until the meth dealers start doing movie tie-ins and children’s toys.

An over three month investigation has led to the arrest of 23-year-old Aaron Vernon Heyer of Coos Bay, who was booked yesterday on a felony charge (Failure to Perform Duties of Driver to Injured Persons) for a March 4 hit-and-run at the corner of 15th and Hilyard that killed 22-year-old University student Brian Sanford Reams.

The suspect vehicle was “quickly identified” by investigators. A press report says the car, a Cadillac sedan, was driven to Eugene by one in a group of friends that came to hang out for the weekend. Heyer, through his attorney, agreed to come to Eugene yesterday afternoon to meet with primary investigator, Officer Ben Hall, and was then arrested.

UPDATE: The ODE picked this up and put a story online, although there is not more information being given out.

DPS and EPD both have been looking into adding tasers to their respective force programs. I think I have found the perfect models for them. Check out these new tasers making crimson waves in the blogging world. I think even the female officers will enjoy carrying them.

The Register-Guard has a front page story in today’s paper about Springfield’s efforts to host the Simpsons Movie premiere sometime in July:

City officials have accepted an invitation from 20th Century Fox to compete against other Springfields across the country in a contest where the winner will host the premiere screening of “The Simpsons Movie,” due out in July. The film is one of the most highly anticipated releases of the year.

“If we’re selected, that’s nationwide and even worldwide exposure for us,” said Springfield Mayor Sid Leiken - not to be confused with Mayor Joe Quimby, of the Simpsons’ fictional hometown of Springfield.

Worldwide exposure! This could be the start of a golden age for the Springfield tourism industry!

Today’s Register Guard reports that the Eugene City Council took steps yesterday toward regulating drinking at tailgate parties on privately owned parking lots near Autzen Stadium. Currently, the consumption of alcohol is allowed on the massive parking lot next to Autzen on the days of home games. Drinking is technically illegal, but is tolerated in the private lots along MLK Jr. Blvd. This may all change soon as city councilors are considering putting limits on drinking in private lots, but they are putting off making a decision until they know how the University will respond.

Councilor George Poling, who represents the area that includes Autzen, favors expanding the allowance of alcohol to private lots if the University decides not to support any limits on drinking. Of course, the Eugene Police Department and Mothers Against Drunk Driving are against any sort of expansion. EPD stated that the number of brawls and alcohol-related brawls is on the rise, while MADD espoused its typical neo-prohibitionist message.

At least one private organization that provides parking is against any sort of regulation or permits. The Eugene Masonic Lodge manages a 10-acre lot across from Autzen and allows alcohol consumption and just encourages drinkers to dispose of their bottles before crossing the street to Autzen.

(Photo: pete4ducks)

Barbara Handley, a local self-described “hardcore enviro-hippy-anarcho- primitivist-poet-goddess” steps outside of the standard Eugenian hippie dogma to support shopping at Wal-Mart. Well, to be more precise, she doesn’t endorse satisfying all your consumer needs at the big box retailer, but rather she points out that the local Wal-Mart Supercenter on West 11th Avenue provides a wide variety of organic and local foods. More importantly, these products are available at affordable prices, which is ideal for families living on limited incomes:

On[e] of my pet peeves, which I’ll be ranting about one of these days, is the way sustainability and healthly food are luxuries for the affluent in the U.S. Organic food is terribly expensive, bicycles and trailers for a family cost far, far more than an old beater car, and supporting small local shopowners may not be a realistic option for families who truly have no slack in their budget. Wal-mart makes it possible for people with lower incomes to buy locally produced organic food at prices that are comparable to conventional food. I’m quite honestly in favor of anything that makes sustainable options available to a larger group of people.

Barbara also provides a categorized list of all the organic and local foods found at our local Wal-Mart.

It seems like capitalism and radicalism can find some common ground here in Eugene.

(Photo: Dystopos)

Nathan Baker’s letter to the editor in the ODE today is good stuff. He remarks about the incidental fee, student services and succinctly depicts the ASUO’s distorted perceptions towards fiscal responsibility. Submitted by simg.