The city of Eugene has fined the Horsehead bar $12,960 dollars for a row of arborvitae in the bar’s outdoor smoking area. The city’s smoking ordinance mandates that at least 75 percent of a smoking area be open to outdoor air, and, according to the city planning commission, that row of plants constituted a wall, violating the ordinance.

The owners of the Horsehead are understandably pissed, especially since they already spent $10,000 tearing down the old fence that used to enclose the area in an attempt to conform to the 2005 smoking ordinance. The new row of arborvitae was supposed to allow air to circulate and give patrons privacy from downtown Eugene’s omnipresent street kids and hobos.

Apparently the city of Eugene has a very loose definition of “wall” because the planning commission also deemed the wrought-iron fence around Jameson’s outdoor area violated the code. Patrons are no longer allowed to smoke there, either.

Just another ridiculous moment in the annals of bureaucracy. For all those interested, there will be a smoke-in on Monday, May 12, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the EMU amphitheater to protest all such asinine ordinances and laws targeting smokers. See you there.

P.S. The R-G story I linked to up top has a picture with the offending “wall” in the background. See for yourself. If that’s a wall, then I’m the bastard child of Elvis and Mother Teresa.

P.P.S. Hey everyone, we’re on Fark. So, uh … go us.

In preparation for the ‘08 Olympic Trials, the painfully white City of Eugene is bracing itself for an influx of mysterious, dark-skinned athletes by giving diversity training to volunteers, police and hospitality workers. I don’t know what’s funnier - the actual story or the news anchor’s faux outrage. Maybe it just sounds a lot stranger to people who haven’t been embedded in this bizarre Bermuda Triangle of crazy for the past two or three years. For example, when I watched this I said, “Yeah, that sounds about right for Eugene.” Thanks to Mike G. for the tip.

The Eugene Weekly finally has their new dating and personals site, Wink + Kink, online, providing the Commentator with a new, limitless source of comedy. The only question is how many I SAW YOU’s can you handle?  For example:

Hey, um, I saw you at the VRC in the food court reading manga, “Got Rice?” Tee shirt, glasses, very cute. Saw you later watching “Smart People” alone, thought you had an adorable giggle. Me: kind of loud girl sitting in the row in front of you, red Chuck Taylors, MC Chris shirt and Foster’s sweatshirt, glasses, ponytail. I get a discount on manga at work, interested??

Or, on a slightly more disturbing note:

You activate my motion sensing flood lights practically every night when you walk by. Why don’t you stop and say hi? Is it my big telescope that distracts you?

The site currently has a free promotion going, and being the curious journalist that I am (and single), I have started exploring this strange, new meat market. The “Wink” section of the site is set up more like a conventional dating site, while “Kink” is more, well, kinky. I haven’t delved into the horrors of “Kink” yet, but the public has a right to know, dammit! Expect a full report soon.

“Homeless frequent West University area”

The real prize in this ODE article, though, is a quote from a member of Eugene’s thin, blue line, Officer Jennifer Bills:

Bills said many homeless people also have co-occurring disorders: They may suffer from both a mental disorder and a dependency on alcohol or drugs.

“These people are not cool, not a novelty. They are mentally ill,” she said. “You don’t treat people with cancer like they’re a cool novelty.”

What?

In Sean Jin’s post about Zach Besaraba’s characterization of the furor over Tibet amounting to little more than “propaganda with the aim of maintaining US imperialism (for his part, Besaraba makes an attempt to clarify his position in the comments section), I suggested that the “anti-imperialism” crowd (substitute “anti-war”, if you like) has little time to waste on protesting against “imperialism” on the part of anyone besides the United States and Israel.

Well, I’m glad to say that in a letter to the editor of the Eugene Weekly, Pete Mandrapa has proven me wrong, taking China to task for its “deplorable” “actions” in Tibet. Indeed, “some human rights activists’ calls for the boycott of Beijing Olympics and disruption of the Olympic torch travels across the globe”, he says, are “understandable. Good for Pete Mandrava for joining the ranks of the decent left and unequivocally condeming totalitarian aggression wherever he sees it.

But wait! What’s this?

Not satisfied to merely take a principled stand against Chinese imperialism, Mandrapa cites actual horrors like Abu Ghraib alongside such hoary old chestnuts as the “hundreds of thousands of Iraqis” “slaughtered” by American troops (la resistance presumably murders civilians for a higher cause) and the “physical destruction” of that country to argue that as awful as the annexation and decades-long Chinese occupation of Tibet might be it isn’t nearly as bad as the American invasion of Iraq. Evidently, Mr. Mandrapa doesn’t spend much time reading the news, since the only way his comparison would really hold is if the Tibetian “resistance” was butchering mourners with suicide bombs and the Chinese military was working with the UN to restore habitat for oppressed minority populations as well as repairing decaying infrastructure and opening schools.

But never mind all that. This is the Eugene Weekly we’re talking about, and high rhetoric (not to mention high drama) is de rigueur.

Expect this meme to become increasingly common as the Olympic trials draw ever nearer. When moral equivalence is the name of the game, it’s safer to suggest that perhaps American athletes should be barred from competing than it is to risk your activist cred by looking like you’re siding with the neo-con imperialists. China might be bad, but the U.S. is always worse.

[edit]

A similar dodge, this time from The Guardian.

People are already lining up in droves for the Obama rally tonight at Mac Court. Lawn chairs and blankets are set up all along the lawn in front of Esslinger. A guy is selling Obama “hope” t-shirts and probably making a killing.

I went down to the ASUO controller’s office and asked if the student government was shelling out any money for the event. It was hard to get a definitive answer, but I was told that no incidental fee money was spent that the controller knew of. We might request the purchase orders to verify all of this.

I also finagled my way onto the press list, so expect a write-up of the rally.

Here’s the Register-Guard write-up of the pre-Obama ballyhoo, complete with a lede about ASUO Senator Nate Gulley crying when he found out he was going to miss the rally. Wow, it must be real tough for Gulley, being stuck over in Hawaii on the student body’s dime to discuss “environmental racism” and all. My heart goes out to him.

Finally, here’s an article on Obama from The Onion.

I wasn’t planning on covering the Iraq war protest in Eugene yesterday, but I happened to run into it on my way to the office and decided to play “embedded reporter.”

By the time I had arrived at the EMU, there was already a large crowd gathered, hoisting various signs and such. I unfortunately missed Ty Schwoeffermann’s speech and a rap by Ari Lesser, although I imagine both were spectacular. I did, however, make it in time to hear a speech by U of O sociology professor Gregory McLauchlan. The speaker who introduced him noted that McLauchlan “has been a peace and social activist since Berkley.” (And we all know how well that turned out). (more…)

Is anyone really surprised that a white woman living in Eugene, OR has been caught peddling fake memoirs of growing up as a half-Native American orphan, running drugs for the Crips in a Southern California ghetto?

The kind of “street cred” that comes along with a story like that is the wet dream of countless bored, white, middle-class “progressive” types who seem to associate people trapped by poverty, violence, and misery with some sort of authenticity. Remember Ward Churchill’s various chicaneries regarding his military service and supposed Native American heritage? Even more extreme examples include the perverse glorification of the Palestinian “resistance” and breathless assurances that life in Castro’s Cuba is lovely, thanks to 100% literacy and free health care — excuses in both cases proffered by comfy activists much like Margaret Seltzer, who justified her lies by claiming she was “[putting] a voice to people who people don’t listen to.”

If anyone doubts the “authenticity” aspect of all of this, the New York Times excerpts a few bits from her book:

There are “some parts of me that did die in L.A.,” she adds, “and that I’ll never get back, and other parts of me that die daily because I exist away from the city, in a world where people can’t begin to imagine what it was like where I grew up… I made it out of L.A. with what life I had left. ”

Like Ward Churchill’s various pronouncements on the tragedy of Native American history and by-the-numbers declarations of genocide in Gaza by Hamas PR men, Seltzer’s narrative is intended to instill both a sense of shock and reverent awe among the Prius-and-latte set as well as a sense that the world has gone horribly wrong and justice must be restored.

But while her former editor called Ms. Seltzer “very, very naive,” the truth is that Margaret Seltzer was just another comfy charlatan activist who made it her business to profit from the misery of others, supposedly in the service of a “larger truth”.

Today’s cover story in the Eugene Weekly is about the UO Veterans and Family Student Association and their new play Telling. Friend and contributor to the OC Sean Jin is quoted and even has a nice mugshot. (But why so pouty looking, Sean?)

The play consists of veterans telling their stories on stage - life, bootcamp, combat, coming home, etc. Performances run 8 pm Friday, Feb. 8, and Saturday, Feb. 9, and 2 pm Sunday, Feb. 10, at the Veterans’ Memorial Hall, 1626 Willamette. The VFSA is doing a lot of great stuff for veterans on campus, so go check it out.

Last Friday, as I was reading the ODE’s editorial and interview with Sue Jakabosky, Co-Chair of the Fairmount Neighborhood Association, regarding the construction of the new basketball arena near the Fairmount neighborhood. THe article made me a little upset. For I have lived amongst the Fairmount neighborhood for two years, enjoying the pleasant geography, citizens, and fellow Fairmount brethren.

It’s a fact that doesn’t sit well with some neighborhood residents, who have voiced displeasure over feeling left out of the negotiation process. Fairmount Neighborhood Association Co-chair Sue Jakabosky has been especially vocal. Throughout the negotiation process, she has cited land value concerns, adverse traffic conditions, litter and disorderly conduct as problems that will arise in the wake of the arena’s construction.

I do not know Ms. Sue Jakabosky, my so-called “voice” in the community as it pertains to the new basketball arena. However, one thing that was overlooked in the editorial, as well as Sue’s complaints, is that everything being complained about already exists! Every game day, whether it be football or men’s basketball, there is grandiose flaunting of automobile traffic, public drinking, trash, noise, and good ol’ fashion carrying on. Moving the arena a few blocks east of where it currently sits will barely change the logistical dynamics of a bunch of people getting together to cheer on Oregon sports. If anything, moving the arena closer to the new EMX will create less traffic. The use of the public transport system will likely increase substantially during events at the arena.

From one neighbor to another, “Keep it Down Out There!”

So much hogwash to get to, so little time.  (more…)

The Eugene Weekly’s cover story this week takes on the ever-present homeless problem with predictable Alan Pittman results. In other words, illogical and pudding-headed. To be fair, most of the article isn’t that bad; Pittman does a fair job of trying to cover Eugene’s typically FUBAR politics, but one paragraph in particular makes me die a little inside:

If Eugeneans are stuck with the bill [of homeless programs], a more palatable approach could be a graduated income tax based on the ability to pay. That could garner more money from the rich Ebenezers while protecting the poor from having to pay more taxes through high rents they already struggle to afford.

Oh sure, obviously. A graduated income tax makes perfect sense because there is a direct correlation between a rise in income level and personal responsibility for homelessness. Brilliant. Second of all, “rich Ebenezers”? Last time I checked, Eugene wasn’t exactly brimming with railroad tycoons, steel magnates and Dickensian plutocrats. Maybe Pittman is just bitter about the stagnating wages of alternative newspaper special investigators. Third, the phrase “graduated income tax based on the ability to pay” is completely redundant. Jesus Christ, I’m going to have an aneuryism.

The Register-Guard ran a story today about the use of newly introduced tasers in Lane County Jail, and the news (surprisingly) wasn’t all that bad. According to the RG, officers have drawn their tasers 96 times since they were introduced in June 2006 and only used them 19 times. This is probably thanks to the strict regulations governing taser use in the jail, as well as a training program that requires officers to be tased.

However, all is not well. The RG also reports that the Eugene Police Department will soon be arming some of its officers with tasers. While the devices’ use in a highly structured environment like a jail works well, their track record on the street is notorious. Arm a few hothead police officers with non-lethal weapons, send them out with minimal oversight and anything can happen.

But here’s the most curious part of the article:

Former jail Capt. Kevin Williams was instrumental in arming corrections deputies with the Tasers.

Williams, now director of campus security at the University of Oregon, spent 20 years with the Los Angeles Police Department, which arms its jail guards with Tasers. He suggested that Lane County Sheriff Russ Burger do the same.

Uh-oh. (more…)

Not that we had an acceptance speech already written or anything. Though it is always a little disgruntling to discover that OSPIRG was voted best student group. Coming in second was LGBTQA - apparently the environment is in and being gay is out - followed by a Alpha Phi Omega. It’s an outrage that OSPIRG would finish ahead of the lovely and caring ladies at Alpha Phi, known around many circles as the best looking sorority on campus.

There was also an award for best Blog, which obviously involved some form of voting fraud since the OC blog didn’t even make the top three. Instead it was Mr. Random’s Blog of Randomness, Jeffrey Morgenthaler, and The Crema placing top three. I provided the links in case anyone is curious, but don’t waste your time.

Well, it’s that day of the week again, and there’s a brand new Eugene Weekly on the streets filled to bursting with bizarre rants from Lane County’s finest. I’ve titled this roundup the “historical perspective edition” because several of the letters use the oh-so popular rhetorical device of comparing modern situations to the past … with disastrous results. But before we get to that, let’s start out with Bernard Knickerson’s two-sentence opus:

Every citizen who pays taxes and all the soldiers who follow orders are accomplices to vast and various crimes against humanity. Are all of them either criminals or slaves?

Knickerson has cleverly managed to distill Thoreau’s Civil Disobedience into two, asinine sentences, throwing out all of the sweeping, Romantic language and rhetorical force. I believe in the J-School we call that “AP Style.” More written trainwrecks after the jump. (more…)