Word on the street is that Hillary Clinton is making a “surprise” visit to campus tomorrow. Nobody knows where; nobody knows when. My ultra-reliable sources say she will arrive as mysterious, black-masked avenger, swinging down from the chandelier, drawing her rapier and challenging scurrilous Obama supporters to defend their honor with steel. Or not. I’ll update this as more news comes in.

Nonie Darwish, an Egyptian-born American writer and speaker, will be on campus Thursday, May 22, 7-9 p.m. in Lillis 282. Darwish is the author of Now They Call Me Infidel: Why I Renounced Jihad for America, Israel and the War on Terror. She has a rather atypical perspective on the issue, so regardless of one’s stance on the Israel-Palestine conflict, this should an interesting lecture to say the least.

The event will be hosted by the College Republicans. For more information, check the Facebook event.

So as I was wandering through the EMU, eating pizza and glaring at Don Goldman, as is my wont, I noticed a strange new publication sitting on the racks - The Weekly Enema. Being immediately impressed by its 4-page, junior high layout (it’s actually an 11-by-17 sheet of paper folded in half), I decided to peruse it at my leisure. (more…)

As advertised in the Ol’ Dirty this week, there will be two open forums held by the Smoke-Free Task Force to hear public opinion about proposing a smoking ban on campus. The first is tonight from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. and the second on Thursday from 12 p.m. to 2 p.m. Both are in the Knight Library Browsing Room. Comments have a three minute time limit and must be “respectful and relevant to the topic.” It’s time to start shaking those fists toward the nicotine Nazis.  

As you can see, yesterday’s smoke-in was pretty awesome. We also got a nice letter about it, which you can read below the fold. (more…)

As reported in the Daily Emerald yesterday, the University of Oregon is under investigation because its “Underrepresented Minority Recruitment Program” may be violating civil rights laws:

The Department of Justice has information that the University of Oregon may be engaged in a pattern or practice of unlawful discrimination against newly hired non-minority faculty members with respect to the disbursement of salary and other employment benefits via its ‘Underrepresented Minority Recruitment Program,’” according to a letter sent to University General Counsel Melinda Grier that is signed by David Palmer, chief of the employment litigation section of the U.S. Department of Justice.

The Emerald piece does a pretty good job of summarizing the issue, so I’m not going to get too far into that. In any case, the jury’s still out as to whether or not the program is illegal or not, so it’d be unfair to condemn as unlawful a program that may in fact be perfectly legal, as President Frohnmayer asserts that it is.

Basically, the program gives monetary incentives - to the tune of $30,000 a year for 3 years - to departments that hire minority faculty who are under-represented in the field. According to this article from 2007, the average amount of money allotted for new non-minority hires is roughly $7,000 per year for the same period - a clear disparity based solely upon race (it’s not clear if “minority” in this case also refers to religious minorities, homosexuals, or other cultural minorities).

While Melinda Grier says that “the money goes to the professor’s department, not to the professor,” the Emerald article makes it clear that this isn’t really the case:

The funds can be used for anyone in the department to start a new program, but a portion of the funds do go directly toward the minority hire, which is what’s drawing controversy.

It is “appropriate and common” to use the funds for “direct support to the new faculty member as part of a negotiated start-up package (e.g., research and travel funds, summer pay, course buy outs, equipment),” according to the program’s description. [emphasis added]

Whether or not this program proves to be unconstitutional, all of this seems rather amiss. Russell Tomlin, the Vice Provost for Academic Affairs, defends the program and the ongoing quest for campus diversity by saying “we’re trying to do something that makes the world better.”

One wonders if this isn’t somewhat begging the question.

Today’s Metal Monday is going with an “up in smoke” theme for two reasons. First, the OC hosted the first Springtime Great American Smoke-in down in the EMU amphitheater. Freedom-loving students proudly lit up their cigars, pipes and cigarettes, and there was much harrumphing had by all. In fact, it was so much of a success that OC Publisher Guy Simmons vomited freedom-chunks all over the ground after smoking two fat stogies.

Second, a report released on Friday by the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy found that teenagers who frequently smoked pot were twice as likely to have experienced depression within the last year. Of course, this is from the same government that also told us that smoking pot will make you shoot your friend in the face and run over little girls on bicycles. And never mind all those other studies that found no causal relationship between marijuana and mental illness.

Good thing we have that watchdog press, though. “High teens down and out” says the Boston Herald headline. “Report: Depressed teens, marijuana a dangerous mix” warns CNN.

But if all that sensationalism doesn’t scare Little Timmy away from the bong, try this: Compared to their sober peers, teenagers who regularly smoke marijuana are 100 percent more likely to start bands like Electric Wizard.

On a very metal side note, check out this graph from the Boston Herald story:

Even more disturbing, three teens in Texas were arrested this week after they dug up a child’s grave and turned his skull into a bong. The remains are believed to be that of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

Former President Clinton will give a speech at the UO EMU Ballroom tomorrow night at 8:30. Be sure to thank him for helping torpedo his wife’s campaign and his party’s chances in the general election! Good work, big fella. Just remember to stay away from those girls at the soft serve in Carson.

And if you have $1,000 to $33,100 to spend on a man who voted for campaign finance reform, why not attend the John McCain “Portland Finance Reception” tomorrow night at the beautiful airport Sheraton? Because nothing defines a straight talkin’ man of the people better than holding a closed door $33,100/head dinner at a crappy airport hotel.

Update: More on McCain’s speech here.

Well, Vincent, Katy and I tried to get press access to the Obama rally yesterday. We didn’t have press passes, but that didn’t seem to be a problem last time. Unfortunately, some irate Obama staffer told us that having our names in the masthead of the magazine wasn’t good enough. So much for the audacity of hope. Vincent and I decided we didn’t really want to see Obama anyways, especially if he was going to be such a dick. Properly embittered, we left to cling to our guns and religion. (Actually, being deficient in both areas, we mainly ended up clinging to booze).

Apparently, Obama is returning to campus to speak tomorrow in the Memorial Quad outside Knight Library. Doors (?) open at 5:45 p.m. The only source I have for this is a Facebook Event, but it appears to be hosted by Students for Obama. I’ll keep you updated. If it’s true, you’ll be able to watch the whole thing (sans sound) through the old Obelisk Cam.

UPDATE: Yep, it’s confirmed on Obama’s website.

So this weekend I took one of those SAPP (Substance Abuse Prevention Program) seminars that seem to be a requirement for graduating seniors who need just a couple more upper-division credits.  This weekend’s topic was hate crimes.

 Anyway, at the end of the seminar the speaker opened up the floor to those students on campus who wanted to speak out against hate.

 A girl two seats away from me raised her hand and said, “Last fall the Oregon Commentator published an issue where they called girls ’scrunts’.”

 In the fall of 2006 the Commentator defined a “scrunt” as: “A female, typically a freshman.  Generally a scrunt lacks a father figure and is extremely susceptible to peer pressure and persuasion.  Scrunt is something that one rustles.  ’Hey dude, let’s go dorm stormin’ and rustle up some scrunt.’”

I don’t know what she was so upset about.  I mean she’s been carrying this around with her for two years.  It must have really affected her.  I’m just going to do the responsible thing here and blame Ted.  Why?  Because it’s fun to rile up Ted. 

Both The Oregonian and and the Register-Guard have front-page stories on Phil Knight today. The Oregonian story is huge, covering Knight’s influence in the UO and much of the controversy that accompanies it. Knight refused to be interviewed for The Oregonian. It’s funny because Knight actually requested an interview with the R-G to clear up some of the same issues that the O story brings up. He said he wanted to assure people that the new arena project was not “some kind of unseemly scam on the taxpayers.” The R-G article is mainly a Q&A fluff piece, although it’s interesting to hear Knight speak out.

One point of interest is that Knight’s $100 million donation comes with the stipulation that it can be withdrawn if the UO does not secure state-backed bonds for the new arena by June 1. The state legislature approved a $200 million bond in February, and the UO will take its case to the State Board of Higher Education next month for final approval. Coincidently, the UO spent $270,000 in lobbying expenses in 2007, up from $90,000 in 2006. I wonder how much they’re spending this year?

According to the Huffington Post’s nifty little campaign donation tracker, people who identified themselves as employees of the University of Oregon have so far donated $24,962 to political campaigns in the ‘08 election cycle. It doesn’t look like the first quarter reports have been added yet, so the real number is most likely much higher by now. How does it break down?

Of that $24,962, only two contributions went to Republicans, totalling $956. Actually, I should say Republican because both of those went to … Ron Paul. The majority of the Dem donations went to Obama with only one donation to Hillary Clinton. No contributions were listed from Frohnmayer, although his pals Melinda Grier and John Moseley both donated to Obama.

I was recently invited to the Free Speech Parade Facebook group, hosted by the one and only UO Survival Center. What struck me as interesting was the description of the group:

We support free expression, be that: verbally, musically, poetically, artistically, physically, nutritionally, literarily, meditatively, economically (barter) or otherwise.

A perfect example of this “free expression” they support is Cimmeron Gillespie’s (coincidentally the group’s founder) drumming/musical performances that, I’m sure, we’ve all had the pleasure of encountering.

Perhaps a further buried example would be a student’s right to smoke–the act of smoking as an expression. I am hesitant to jump on the freedom of expression bandwagon here, but perhaps we, as a campus, could broaden our freedom horizons a bit and accept smoking as a tool to unite students, similar to say, a FIG class, or Week of Welcome.

Even better, if we can get the environmental lovin’ kids to support smoking on campus. Can you imagine OSPIRG collecting signatures to save your right to smoke? Student dollars at work on campus? Dare to dream, people, dare to dream!

As for me, I’ll see you at the Smoke-in on Monday, May 12th, sporting a large cigar.

I would like to thank all the parties involved in the Laughing Planet / Holy Cow / EMU business for finalizing the issue the day before our Holy Cow Issue, in which nobody said anything.

 

This doesn’t change the fact that Holy Cow should serve meat.