So, Obama thinks poor folks are bitter, but Hillary knows they’re mostly just looking for someone to buy them a shot of mid-shelf booze. That’s why she sprang for a shot of Crown Royal at a media event relaxing evening with close friends at her neighborhood bar (in Indiana). But wait, you say, Crown Royal is Canadian whisky… there’s no “e” before the “y” or anything. While the pundits desperately analyze “the shot heard ’round the world” for implications on Clinton’s NAFTA position, we applaud Clinton for simply making booze an issue in this election. And for providing the evil spirit which is currently possessing our copy of Photoshop with some fresh meat. Cheers!

1. People dressed in garbage.

I saw the garbage monsters walking down 13th today, beatboxing and telling people to recycle.

The Smoke Free Campus Task Force (don’t laugh, it’s paid for) has set up a survey to gauge student, staff and faculty thoughts on making campus smoke-free. From the survey:

The Smoke Free Campus Task Force has been appointed to assess the pros and cons of establishing the University of Oregon as a smoke free campus. To assist in this effort, the task force is asking all faculty, staff, and students to complete a short survey to give feedback about the current campus smoking policy and whether the UO should become a smoke free campus. Establishing campus as smoke free would prohibit smoking anywhere on campus, including all buildings and all campus grounds and properties.

I would advise all freedom-loving students, staff and faculty to fill out the survey … as many times as possible. Also, check out the OC’s response to these efforts from fall term.

Paul Suderman documents the tragic collateral damage in the war on global warming over at Reason. Suderman eloquently recounts the plethora of good reasons to oppose the current generation of biofuels which burn through foodstocks with no benefit to carbon emissions. Moreover, he correctly identifies rising beer prices as the point at which we must all stand astride history and shout “STOP!”

Alright, I know this is redundant since most of the comment threads on this blog veer wildly off topic anyways, but seeing as how it’s spring break and and the staff has scattered to the four winds, here’s your open thread. Go for it.

P.S. And as always, drunken belligerence, vitriol and Big Lebowski references are encouraged.

P.P.S. C’mon, all the cool blogs are doing it.

Barack Obama was the leading presidential candidate in a survey by American University. When asked who they would vote for if the presidential election was held today, 54 percent of respondents chose Obama, with McCain coming in second at 19 percent.

However, a similar poll by the Oregon Commentator found Ron Paul leading by 100 percent. Although Paul has been popular with the college crowd, this is a surprising surge and could cause trouble for current Republican front-runner McCain. The results also indicate that 100 percent of university students are registered Independents, functional alcoholics and named Ossie Bladine.

The Oregon Commentator presents its second issue of 2008, “Special Elections.” There is too much good stuff in it to mention - Billy Squire lyrics for instance - so just click on the cover already. Enjoy

The Oregon Commentator isn’t known for its superb copy editing, but I am sure we would never print the opening line to an opinion by Matt Petryni in today’s ODE. (This was caught by my functional alcoholic roommate.)

So recently I was in a bar, which shall remain nameless for its own defense, and I ordered one of the standard gin cocktails (think: the “martini” or the “Manhattan,” for example).

Bourbon, Matt, a Manhattan is made with whiskey and/or bourbon.

The Oregon Commentator staff will be at Rennie’s Landing tomorrow to keep track of the Super Tuesday proceedings (or at least that’s our excuse). We should be arriving en masse after our staff meeting, sometime around six or seven p.m.

Any predictions? I’m calling all the states for Jesus, who will appear tomorrow in a cloud of glory and announce his candidacy/thousand-year reign. Except for New York. New York will go to McCain.

UPDATE: I just remembered tomorrow is Fat Tuesday as well, so we’ll be celebrating Super Fat Tuesday - the best combination of debauchery and politics since Grover Cleveland’s infamous “oval office ho’s and CEO’s” inauguration bash!

The Oregon Commentator presents its first issue of 2008. Read on for excerpts, or click on the cover at the top right to view the PDF. (more…)

Just an hour ago, CJ told me about this Facebook group, 30 Reasons Why Girls Should Call It A Night. I just got home and turned on the TV and guess who’s on Dr. Phil? Jasmine Kalimullah, the officer of the group! The group is a database of thousands of photos of girls boozing, partying, puking, passed out and what not.

Dr. Phil just brought up the mayor of Arlington and is talking to a reporter of the Eastern Oregonian.

And people say cultural standards are declining.

First off, the ASUO Senate decided Wednesday to allocate $8,256 from the surplus funds for a free concert by Günther, yes, that Günther. As reported in the ODE:

“Günther thanks you all as well. Very much.”

(more…)

In “first on-the-scene study of college drinking behavior,” researches somehow manages to discover the above headline. Hold the phone.

The team observed 1,304 young adults (751 men, 553 women) at 66 college parties over the course of three semesters. The parties all took place in private residences close to an urban public university in southern California. The team noted party environment, surveyed attendees and collected blood-alcohol concentrations.

The researchers found that playing drinking games, having a personal history of binge drinking, attending a party with many other intoxicated people, and attending a themed event all predicted higher blood alcohol levels. The researchers expressed surprise over the finding that women at themed events drank more heavily than their male peers.

Astonishing.

There is nothing better than the truth to sell some whisky. Canadian Club Whisky, which celebrates its 150^th anniversary this year, has launched its first brand campaign in 20 years under the theme, “Damn Right Your Dad Drank It.” Canadian Club is the No. 2 whisky in the Great White North. Funny stuff, for a bunch of hosers.

Over at Loaded Orygun, Democratic candidate for Attorney General John Kroger has written a blog post outlining his plan to fight the scary meth pandemic. As you’ve probably heard from every news outlet in the state, meth has ravaged at least 95 percent of Oregon’s adult population (and now it’s coming for your kids!). Here’s the opening paragraph of his two-pronged assault on tweak:

As Attorney General, I will work hard every day to tackle Oregon’s number one crime problem – meth addiction. Every year, meth costs us hundreds of millions of dollars in prison and law enforcement costs, health care expenditures, and lost workforce productivity. Meth is the biggest cause of property crime and identity theft in the state. More important, meth is the single greatest cause of serious child abuse in Oregon. That is one reason Oregon recently received a grade of “D” on a child welfare report card issued by a leading child advocacy group. To me, that is simply unacceptable.

To deal with Oregon’s meth crisis, I have proposed a two part plan, emphasizing both a new drug treatment program and tougher enforcement. This plan is based on the lessons I have learned as a federal prosecutor, public policy expert, and law professor.

A lot of things about this catch my eye, such as confusing “meth addiction” with “crimes people commit while on meth” (although you could easily argue the two go hand in hand). Most odd, though, is when Kroger throws out “lost workplace productivity.” Meth results in less productivity? Last time I checked, carnivals wouldn’t exist without meth. Workplace productivity statistics are stupid anyways, but Kroger says his plan is based on experience, so it must have some merit, right? Well, lets see. (more…)