Apparently, Obama is returning to campus to speak tomorrow in the Memorial Quad outside Knight Library. Doors (?) open at 5:45 p.m. The only source I have for this is a Facebook Event, but it appears to be hosted by Students for Obama. I’ll keep you updated. If it’s true, you’ll be able to watch the whole thing (sans sound) through the old Obelisk Cam.

UPDATE: Yep, it’s confirmed on Obama’s website.

In Lil’ Wayne’s newest single Lollipop he states, “I get on top, and drop it like it’s hot, but when I’m on the bottom she’s Hillary Rodham.”

Personally I’d pinned Mr. Weezy as an Obama man, but this got me wondering: How many men will vote for Hil just because she’s a woman in power and they’re attracted to it?

I know all about voting based on sex appeal, I’m a Ron Paul girl, but I’d rather vote for Obama simply because (Ty Schwoeffermann, cover your eyes) I’d like to fuck him.

Perhaps this explains why I am also such a fan of Colin Powell?

According to the Huffington Post’s nifty little campaign donation tracker, people who identified themselves as employees of the University of Oregon have so far donated $24,962 to political campaigns in the ‘08 election cycle. It doesn’t look like the first quarter reports have been added yet, so the real number is most likely much higher by now. How does it break down?

Of that $24,962, only two contributions went to Republicans, totalling $956. Actually, I should say Republican because both of those went to … Ron Paul. The majority of the Dem donations went to Obama with only one donation to Hillary Clinton. No contributions were listed from Frohnmayer, although his pals Melinda Grier and John Moseley both donated to Obama.

Tony Marino, a Tigard Republican running for the Oregon House, issued a letter to several newspapers that extensively describes his myriad failures in life, including bankruptcy, divorces, IRS trouble and a fake degree. Marino is spinning it as a “honesty is the best policy” move, but you can bet the Democrats were going to dig all this up anyways.

According to the Oregonian, Marino earned a doctorate in Marketing in under three months from Ashwood University, which gives its students credit for their “life experiences.” Later he discovered the shocking truth that the “university” wasn’t accredited in the state of Oregon.

Marino did leave out a few other tidbits, though. From the Oregonian:

A background check unearthed other financial run-ins, including a $12,300 civil judgment from 2001 that he contests and that he says he didn’t know about until Thursday. He’s also making monthly installments on a $4,900 judgment from 2002, filed by Ford Motor Co.

Whoops! It will be interesting to see if Marino’s “only human” strategy works. I for one would like to see more detailed confessions from politicians. Imagine the letters coming out of DC: “This one time Arlen Specter got drunk and passed out on my couch, so I drew penises all over his face with a Sharpie. He woke up the next morning and rushed straight to the Senate Judiciary Committee meeting. Everyone laughed at him, and I felt really guilty.”

A fascinating article in the Economist says that people in this country identifying themselves as “Conservative” or “Very Conservative” have a higher likelihood of being happier.

Some have hypothesized that it’s because liberals are miserable with President Bush’s administration, but apparently the evidence traces back 35 years. The article points to the fact that conservative people tend to go to church more and have more children, which leads to more long-term happiness.

While I’m not sure about that, I do like that they point out that the conservative perspective is more about taking responsibility, working hard, and succeeding through individualism. Whereas the liberal view points to societal issues, injustices, and huge “crushing impersonal forces that keep the little guy down”, conservatism acknowledges those issues (I hope) as history and seeks to solve them by discrediting them and living in spite of them.

So this election season, vote Republican and be happier.

The Washington Post outlines some of the details of John McCain’s health plan. If I’m understanding it right, the key points are:

1.  Unlike the Democratic plan, his plan is market-based
2. It dissociates health insurance from the workplace, which McCain argues will force insurance companies to “no longer take your business for granted, offering narrow plans with escalating costs.”
3. It provides tax credits to individuals, rather than employers, for health insurance.
4. It will create a “GAP” (guaranteed access program) in the short-term to provide for “high-risk” patients until the “market matures”.
5. Lowering costs through a variety of methods such as tort reform and encouraging the prescription of generic drugs.
6. McCain also advocates the “health savings account” idea.
7. Interestingly, he also says “[g]overnment should promote greater access through walk-in clinics in retail outlets” to facilitate easier access to basic, preventative care.

As the Post notes, a lot of the McCain plan echoes President Bush’s spectacularly failed attempt at health care reform. Indeed, McCain is probably going to have a relatively difficult time selling his health care plan, whatever its merits, since he’s going to have to compete against either Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, both of which are promising “free” health care for the masses. For McCain to succeed on this issue against his opponent (especially if he runs against Barack Obama), he’s going to have to find a simple, sensible way to explain to people how setting them adrift and trusting market forces is going to result in better health care at a lower cost than anything a massive, tax-funded government bureaucracy  can hope to provide.

Unfortunately for McCain, explaining economics to people is a lot more difficult than saying “the government will take care of you”.

The statewide voting pamphlets have been mailed out recently. Inside, a letter from Secretary of State Bill Bradbury urges citizens to call a certain 800 number if they need voting assistance. However, rather than electoral information, callers are directed to a phone sex line. An automated voice promises callers “an exciting new way to go live one on one with hot . . . girls.” Bill Bradbury, you ‘ol polecat!

Hat tip to my mom for the story.

Well, the results are in, and Hillary Clinton has taken Pennsylvania with a margin of roughly 10%. This means, of course that the Democratic Primary will continue to drag on with no clear winner. While I don’t have a whole lot to say about the primary in general, I found this report somewhat strange:

But Clinton still can’t break Obama’s hold on black and young voters. He won 92 percent of the black vote, according to exit polls, and between 56 percent and 58 percent of voters under 45.

Similarly, however, Obama can’t shake that a lot of whites are uncomfortable with a black as president, as exit polls showed him losing the white vote by 60-40 percent — a consistent trend in recent primaries. (emphasis added)

Really? Seriously?

So, Obama thinks poor folks are bitter, but Hillary knows they’re mostly just looking for someone to buy them a shot of mid-shelf booze. That’s why she sprang for a shot of Crown Royal at a media event relaxing evening with close friends at her neighborhood bar (in Indiana). But wait, you say, Crown Royal is Canadian whisky… there’s no “e” before the “y” or anything. While the pundits desperately analyze “the shot heard ’round the world” for implications on Clinton’s NAFTA position, we applaud Clinton for simply making booze an issue in this election. And for providing the evil spirit which is currently possessing our copy of Photoshop with some fresh meat. Cheers!

Editor-in-Chief of the Oregon Daily Emerald Laura Powers is filing a grievance against Con Court for their recent ruling declaring that ASUO candidates can’t advertise with campus media. Powers is appealing the ruling on grounds of factual accuracy, since she can’t argue the Court’s actual reasoning. Powers, along with us, believes the ruling is complete bullshit:

“We’re not a university facility, we don’t reject ads based on politics and everybody has equal access,” Powers said. “Bitch, please!”

Con Court’s ruling seems to imply (although they won’t come out and say it) that since some people [read: Rock the Yellow] couldn’t afford advertisements it wasn’t equal access. I agree with Powers. Bitch, please!

P.S. How great is it that a grievance is being filed against Con Court to be decided by Con Court?

An initiative sponsored by Republican Kevin Mannix that would set three-year mandatory minimum prison sentences for first-time drug dealers, burglars and identity thieves will appear on the November ballot in Oregon.

According to the Oregonian, the measure “would increase Oregon’s prison population by an estimated 4,000 to 6,000 inmates and cost $128 million to $200 million a year.” Righto, sounds peachy keen! Sure, we already have a strained budget and strained prison system, but dammit, someone’s got to teach those dopers a lesson.

Of course, if voters disagree with the initiative, they will have another, more sympathetic way to waste vast amounts of money. A second initiative sponsored by the Democrat-controlled legislature, which targets repeat offenders, would only incarcerate a projected 1,600 people and cost roughly $50 million a year. It would also include $20 million a year for drug treatment programs and local jails.

If both initiatives are passed by voters, the one with the most votes will become law. (THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!)

Sam Dotters-Katz and Johnny Delashaw received 1608 of the 3164 votes for ASUO Executive; with a majority, they are the students’ new president and vice president.

Kari Herinckx and Jesse Hough earned 1290 votes and Dr. Drew Thunderlove Cattermole 119 votes. There were 147 write-ins.

In the race for Senate Seat 1, PFC, Sean Jin had the most votes with 832 but failed to earn a majority. He will be in a run-off against Carinna Miller, who earned 758 votes.

The Ol’ Dirty stuck to its true form today by endorsing the corrupt Rock the Yellow slate and Kari and Jesse. It is almost unbelievable that they would root for the political machine that was responsible for the ruling that candidates cannot advertise in the ODE.

But the reason for the Emerald’s endorsement extends beyond platforms and policy positions. Herinckx and Hough have presented themselves as more in touch with students and their needs.

Laughable. Everything Sam and Johnny have done is in the name of perpetuating the average student’s voice, while Jesse and Kari, great student leaders but with too much baggage with them, have only defended their positions as cookie-cutter pinups for the current administration.

I am disappointed with the Emerald Editorial Board. Supporting a ticket run by an administration that has abused its power to limist free speach on campus is a pathetic stance to have.

The ODE has a video of the candidate debate from Wednesday up. Fair warning: It’s almost impossible to watch this without making the thunder and/or feeling the love.

Also, so far there have been a total of eight grievances filed against the Oregon Action Team. However, the OAT has recently struck back and is filing a grievance against Rock the Yellow member Nick Schultz for allegedly telling people that the OAT would cut campus recycling if elected (ironic, since one member of the slate works for campus recycling). For his part, Schultz says this a “complete lie.”

And don’t forget the second grievance filed against current ASUO Exec Emily McLain. It’s a good thing we’re not actually playing the ASUO Elections Drinking Game because even Keith Moon would have a hard time keeping up with this.

Big news day for ASUO Exec candidate Drew “Thunderlove” Cattermole. You might have noticed the front page of the ODE today, which has a picture of Thunderlove between the other two slates. Also, check out the ODE interview with him, complete with audio. I’ll throw up his statement in the ASUO Voter’s Guide when I get my hands on a copy.

If anybody wants to meet Thunderlove in person, shake his hand or have him kiss your baby, there will be a candidates fair in the EMU from noon to four p.m. Also, the candidates debate is tonight at 7 p.m. in the Living Learning Center Performance Hall.

UPDATE: Here’s the ASUO Voters Guide, where Thunderlove pledges to “work closely with the health center to get magnum condoms given away with the other free condoms. The well endowed students at UO should no longer be discriminated against.”