Obama, Huckabee to field: “Suck my caucus”*
The results are in, and Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee have clinched first place in the Iowa Caucus. Both Obama and Huckabee are riding high thanks to some campaign trail assistance from helpful deities – Oprah and Jebus, respectively. No, seriously; check out these entrance poll numbers:
60 percent of voters said they consider themselves evangelical Christians. Huckabee is a Baptist minister. Far more than any other characteristic – 45 percent – Republicans said they are looking for a candidate who “shares my values.” Of those respondents, 44 percent said they were supporting Huckabee.
If by “shares my values” they mean “is a total douche,” then yeah, Huckabee’s the candidate of choice. (And here’s some more doucheness for good measure). Also, according to the entrance poll, Democratic women favored Obama over Clinton 35 percent to 30 percent – obviously the Oprah Effect in action.
In other news, Hillary Clinton came in third place for the Democrats, meaning the apocalypse might not be as nigh as previously feared.
* Headline by Jake “keepin’ it classy” Speicher.
