Apocalypse Delayed?
I am shocked–shocked!– that we’ve made it nearly fourteen hours today and the world still hasn’t ended. A bit disappointed too… I was hoping to get out of having to take my finals. I guess we still have the next ten hours to wait.
But this (assuredly brief) delay in the apocalypse’s arrival will at least give me a chance to read Ann Coulter’s latest nuanced, scholarly work. Godless: The Church of Liberalism looks to be the sort of roller-coaster ride of investigative journalism that turns the world on its head and forces literate society to reexamine itself.
Since I’ve always considered myself a Liberal– an increasingly-rare Classical Liberal, to be precise– Ms. Coulter’s book may be what finally jolts my senses enough to begin participating on FreeRepublic.com. That whole evolution thing? Nonsense, of course. There’s no scientific evidence supporting Darwin’s “theory” and what “discrepancies” do exist can be easily explained by the fact that the Bible’s authors simply decided to leave out unimportant things like Jesus Horses. But perhaps the most stunning revelation in Coulter’s book is the truth of what lieberals such as myself were doing on the seventh day. Why, I can remember the seventh day as clearly as if it were only 6,000 years ago. I was sitting around a garden–scheming, as usual, about how I could help both the abortionists and pagans in one fell swoop. I decided the best way to go about this would be to introduce feminism to Eve and self-doubt to Adam. Suckers.
Of course, I’ve always kept my actions on that day to myself for fear of what people would think. Would I be stoned to death? Praised? Offered book deals? Now that it’s out in the open and the apocalypse is upon us I guess I truly have to evaluate where I’ve stood. Even more importantly, how will I be judged for my work amongst Hollywood’s Jewish anal sex-loving elite? Or my efforts to help ethnic minorities have more babies, despite John Gibson’s dire warnings? Or that time I made fun of Scientologists? These are the sins which I suspect will rest heavy on my conscience in the hours to come.
I am left with one question, however: why release the book today? Why not a week ago when I would’ve had a chance to read and atone for my crimes before the apocalypse hit? Oh Ann, you could’ve saved so many of us.
June 6th, 2006 at 1:28 pm
Question:
So, if there is a Jesus Horse, does this mean that “My Little Pony” is indeed mocking the Jesus Horse? I mean, the frolicking, ass-tatoos, pastel colors, and obivious reference to horse racing makes it the veritable Sodom & Gramorrah of the cartoon world.
June 6th, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Wow… that Scarborough Country transcript was a delight… I’m still not sure if I can pick a favorite part.
Was it Bill Donahue facetiously suggesting that the Puerto Ricans “killed Christ”? Was it Bill Donahue then being called an “ignorant peasant”?
Maybe it was Donahue saying “Who really cares what Hollywood thinks? All these hacks come out there. Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular. It‘s not a secret, OK? And I‘m not afraid to say it. That‘s why they hate this movie. It‘s about Jesus Christ, and it‘s about truth. It‘s about the messiah. Hollywood likes anal sex. They like to see the public square without nativity scenes. I like families. I like children. They like abortions. I believe in traditional values and restraint. They believe in libertinism. We have nothing in common. But you know what? The culture war has been ongoing for a long time. Their side has lost.”
Maybe it was this description of the power of The Passion: “No matter what you think about “The Passion of the Christ,” Rabbi, the acting was so inspiring, so unforgettable. The scenes that he did, including the blessed mother running towards Jesus, the flashbacks, the circular camera that he used at the crucifixion that made you feel like the blood was hitting you in the face, artistic genius. ”
Oh man… I think I’m gonna need a good long cry before I’m even ready to be entertained by Anne Coulters new book… Oh damn, it’s 6/6/06 and I haven’t even bought a sacrificial goat yet….
June 6th, 2006 at 6:45 pm
Isn’t Bill Donohue the one who suggested a man make sure his son sees the loin from which the seed that made him sprang, so as he wouldn’t catch “Teh Gay”?
June 7th, 2006 at 12:00 am
Maybe the Forces of the Universe postponed the apocalypse for fear that Ann Coulter’s book release would steal their fire and change the story.
PS. Good post Ian. Classical Liberals. A dying breed.
June 7th, 2006 at 12:09 pm
Copied from the “Idaho Values Alliance” “newsletter”:
IF YOU ONLY READ ONE BOOK THIS YEAR, MAKE IT “GODLESS” BY ANN COULTER
I’ve begun reading Ann Coulter’s new book, “Godless,” and it is perhaps the most powerful book I’ve read this decade. It pulverizes liberalism by showing its utter hypocrisy and its stunning double standards and inconsistencies.
It is a relentless expose’ of the “religion” that seeks to substitute itself for the Judeo-Christian tradition. I rarely say this about any book, but this is a must-read.
She illustrates in abundant and compelling detail how the “Church of Liberalism” has:
Its sacraments (abortion)
Its holy writ (Roe v. Wade)
Its martyrs (like Soviet spy Alger Hiss)
Its clergy (public school teachers)
Its churches (government schools, where prayer is prohibited but condoms are free)
Its doctrine of infallibility (as manifest in the “absolute moral authority” of spokesmen from Cindy Sheehan to Max Cleland)
Its cosmology (in which mankind is an inconsequential accident)
And its creation myth: Darwin’s theory of evolution (based on bogus science)
June 7th, 2006 at 2:20 pm
where prayer is prohibited but condoms are free
Sign me up!
June 7th, 2006 at 3:57 pm
“And its creation myth: Darwin’s theory of evolution (based on bogus science)”
ACK! Where do I start? How can certain Christians, who do not understand science, just dismiss ideas that are inconvenient to their world view? If they would just open their eyes they would see that there does not need to be “hypocrisy” in the scientific theory. The great big Catholic church doesn’t even have a problem with evolution! (Of course the same people that hate evolution usually also hate Catholics and the Catholic church.)
Oh, and DRINK! …. no really..when are we going to go drink? I sure have a lot of catch-up to do. So much hypocrisy, so little time.
September 8th, 2006 at 12:15 pm
They gods have deteriorated life on earth precipitously in the last 40 years, from abortion to pornography, widespread drug use and widespread casual sex. The earth’s elders, hundreds and thousands of years old, are disgusted and don’t care, and they have become indifferent.
The gods are paving the way for the Apocolypse.