An analysis of the OC website stats leads us inexorably to the following observations:

This is golden (and refreshingly level-headed) stuff, especially the rip on Terry Eagleton. From local blog No Credentials.

There’s a decent post to be written about unseemly conservative whining (and its relation to the unseemly liberal whining that we have all come to love so well), but this piece of filigreed nonsense from Princeton is nowhere near it.

First, liberals are intolerant not of conservative viewpoints per say [sic], but of the persistence of these opinions in spite of the fact that they are overwhelmingly false, politically opportunistic, and proven to consistently fail America and its citizens. If we are antagonistic toward expressions of conservative ‘thought,’ it is because we are intolerant of positions that persist in spite of evidence proving they are intellectually dishonest, and of policy prescriptions that do more harm than good…

Well, I’m glad we cleared that up! Jesus. If we switch the instances of “liberal” and “conservative” in the above, it’d fit neatly into place on any number of right-leaning websites. It’s completely content-free.

Also, a fine piece of bait-and-switch debate. Ready? Here’s the bait:

Similarly, we have indisputable evidence that there was Iraq and Al-Qaeda did not collaborate with the purpose of attacking America on 9/11. We know for a fact that the assaults on New York, Washington, and Pennsylvania were the work only of Al-Qaeda, not of Iraq. The bipartisan 9/11 Commission report states very clearly that we have no credible evidence that Iraq and al Qaeda cooperated on the attacks against the United States.

And here’s the switch:

What, then, are we to do when a conservative student, perhaps in a class on international relations, repeats the demonstrably false claim that there was a substantive, working relationship between Iraq and Al-Qaeda prior to 9/11, in spite of the facts?

See? “Substantive, working relationship” is a far cry from “organized 9/11″. Now, one may fairly question whether the nature and extent of the relationship warranted invading the damn country. (I have a feeling I’m going to be on the fence about this one for as long as I can manage to stay balanced there.) But that’s an actual argument, where both sides have valid points to make, and there’s no clear-cut answer. Where’s the fun? It’s easier to just write off everyone who disagrees with you as a moron.

(Hat tip: the CN, who may or may not still be speaking to us.)

Just can’t seem to escape the spotlight, poor Dr. Dre. But on the upside, this is a nice distraction from whiny partisan feuding… wait. Nevermind. Marion “Suge” Knight 2008!

“…he don’t wanna play checkers or sip tea when he steps into freedom. “

Word.

Apparently, Bob Dylan still has the capacity to shock the Square Community. Parents, students, and administrators at Boulder (CO) High School were shocked and appalled to learn that an ad-hoc musical group called the Coalition of the Willing intended to perform the 41-year-old song “Masters of War,” which ends with these words:

And I hope that you die
And your death’ll come soon
I will follow your casket in the pale afternoon
And I’ll watch while you’re lowered down to your deathbed
And I’ll stand o’er your grave ’til I’m sure that you’re dead

This was somehow taken as a death threat on President Bush, prompting the school principal to call in the Secret Service. The Secret Service, duly unimpressed, “questioned {the principal} for 20 minutes and took a copy of the lyrics.” High School principals have apparently not gotten any smarter since I graduated.

Side Note: Shame on us!

As a tangent to the Dylan song hubbub, the above-linked story also notes a 70 teeny bopper-strong protest of Bush’s reelection held at Boulder High last week. The protest was lauded by teacher Jim Vacca, and he had pointed words for all of us:

“In an age where narcissistic college students riot in an inarticulate drunken stupor, you have students here at Boulder High School, principled, thoughtful and yet scared of four more years of pre-emptive war, the Patriot Act and an increase in militarism at school through the No Child Left Behind Act,” Vacca had said.

Now. Forget about the non sequitor of the week. Best “Open Letter to Jim Vacca” on the comment boards wins.

More from the Department of Reconciliation.

I read Rall compulsively, but don’t usually bother linking to his stuff, ’cause it’s much of a muchness. I only enclose this one because there’s a golden moment: midway through a rant about how much cleverer he is than all those dopey Bush voters, he gets “red states” and “blue states” mixed up.

He’s not representative of any sane political tendency, but the guy just won’t leave it alone. Between him and his cognates on the right, it’s going to be another great four years.

Back on the mean, needle-covered streets of Lake Oswego where I grew up, I was required to take two years of language to graduate from high school. Today I speak exactly no spanish, I might be able to ask for a bathroom, a telephone, and maybe a drink, but damned if there’s a chance in hell I’d ever understand the reply. Guest blogger Daniel Akst at Marginal revolution argues that it might make more sense to require finance. As I have a degree in Economics but have never been able to balance my own checkbook, and certainly would’ve been completely incapable of that feat upon graduating from highschool, I tend to agree.

Ive always liked Dan Savage. Hes never been afraid to hurt feelings. Listen, Lonely In Detroit, so long as you live with your mother and maintain a Farscape website youre probably not going to score much. Thats reality. Forty and Fatherless, dont drag anyone else into you emotional bog. Chained up in the Dark and Begging For Help, youre certainly in a dire predicament, but…

However, this new column of his is like something deleted from the Ted Rall message board for poor taste. If this is to be the lefts new position, then they deserve to lose every national election until the Rapture, when they can finally have their godless paradise.

“Certain distressed liberals and progressives are talking about fleeing to Canada or, better yet, seceding from the Union. We can’t literally secede and, let’s admit it, we don’t really want to live in Canada. It’s too cold up there and in our heart-of-hearts, we hate hockey. We can secede emotionally, however, by turning our backs on the heartland. We can focus on our issues, our urban issues, and promote our shared urban values. The Republicans have the federal government–for now. But we’ve got Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Diego, New York City (Bloomberg is a Republican in name only), and every college town in the country. We’re everywhere any sane person wants to be. Let them have the shitholes, the Oklahomas, Wyomings, and Alabamas. We’ll take Manhattan.”

And that was the most rational part of the whole diatribe. Read this and youll never second guess your Bush vote.

Hat Tip: Sully

While waiting for the live broadcast to start at KIVI in Boise, I came across this story on ABC’s 20/20.
A short summary: Aaron Tonken, a man who produced many celebrity charity fundraisers got put behind bars last March for stealing money from the charities that he was supposed to be raising money for. He has now written a book that tells where a lot of that money went.
I have not read the book, but ABC’s report alone implicated Elizabeth Taylor, Arnold Schwarzenegger and, my favorite story, Gerald Ford.
It seems Ford was up to receive an award from one of the charities that Tonken was organizing.
“According to Tonken, Ford was to be paid a $200,000 personal appearance fee, in addition to a $200,000 contribution made to the Betty Ford Clinic. The former president signed a contract, obtained by ABC News, agreeing to the terms, Tonken said… After all the gifts, perks and payments, Tonken said he had no money left for a fancy plaque, so the Spirit of Giving Award that night was an empty flower vase he found in the hotel.”
I saw the video and they really did give the former president an empty vase. Given, every person watching that show thought that it was some kind of expensive crystal. No, it was a cheap vase found in a hotel room.

On the up side, Hillary Clinton might have some dirty laundry to deal with because of this whole thing. New York Post’s Cindy Adams says that, “in Chapter 13 alone there’s enough material to keep a battery of Clinton damage controllers working overtime.”

Click this and scroll down the page until you reach Toby Hill-Meyer. They actually did it. They actually changed his damn pronoun.

Fuck this school so hard.

Found this interesting bit of law enforcement news from England via Boing Boing.

Here’s hoping that a certain someone on staff isn’t on the Dorset Police mailing list.

Guilty

Ha, sucka. We’ll see you again in, oh, never.

Just when you though things couldn’t get any bleaker, more terrible news: it seems sociology adjunct Chuck Hunt will not be the last Marxist standing. In the wake of a second Bush victory, he’s off to Canada. (Follow the link to see a photo that should win the ODE some kind of award.) Meanwhile, Eugene media seems to be going out of its way to provide me with Spew today:

The current buzz about an American exodus to Canada is not unprecedented, Hunt said. While under apartheid rule, South Africa experienced a steady exodus of people upset with the overtly racist practices of the South African government.

“That’s the kind of context you can see this in,” Hunt said.

Golly. If that’s the way he feels, I think he should hurry off to Canada without delay. After all, I’d have wanted to get out of apartheid South Africa too!

I know no career minded rocker type is gonna be pro-Bush, but it is so obnoxious to be told that I should join forces with MoveOn.org at a fricking rockshow. I’m sorry that the election “was a real bummer” for Deathcab but really, less talkin’, more rockin’. My extremely reasonable roommate said it nicely, “I would have liked Kerry to win too, but that’s just not cool.” At least they were comp tickets.

I must admit, I was rolling my eyes a bit after reading the discussion chez Prophet about Pixar’s shiny new The Incredibles. For fuck’s sake (thought I) it’s a cartoon about superheroes. I defy anyone - even A.O. Scott - to make political hay from this. Are we in danger of presenting superheroes too uncritically in our cartoons? The message that people seem to be picking up from the film - don’t hide your torch under a bushel, get the most you can out of the talents you have, be an individual! blah blah empowerment-cakes - is always timely, but I don’t think it’s particularly (or exclusively) conservative in the political sense. After all (thought I) laments against mediocrity don’t have to be partisan. I’m looking forward to seeing the film, but for reasons that have everything to do with Brad Bird and nothing to do with politics. And so I went about my day.

You know what’s coming next. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Lois Wadsworth, in what may be her finest hour.

I’m troubled by the ideas expressed and suggested here. Is the movie about being reluctant to surrender youth to age or relegate past heroics to today’s ordinariness? Does everyone secretly long to be a young man or woman going off to fight evil? Does the movie say to really young kids that might is always right, bigger and stronger is better, and being different is only OK if you’re secretly an unstoppable power? The American way?

I retract my earlier eye-roll. Clearly, Pixar’s The Incredibles is a sinister tool of the neofascist right, deviously conditioning our children to, um, be superheroes.

But while Helen expresses warmth and thoughtfulness through her relationships with her husband and children, the little boy Dash is getting the message to “be like Daddy,” and that sounds like a conservative invitation to be a warrior to me.

Jesus. I’m always gratified when people write this kind of thing while I’m putting a Spew section together.